Restoration of Christian Marriage©
By
Stephen W. Wilcox
Sincere friends, there is a lot of uninformed
opinion as to what God teaches us in regards to marriage and divorce. The Bible clearly spells out exactly what our
Lord expects us to do, and lays out how to do it. I purpose that we
abide by God’s Word in discovering and defining what His will is concerning
marriage, divorce and remarriage. We must go to the Bible, the Word of
God, and search prayerfully for the truth.
Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage
Malachi
“…You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because He no longer pays
attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, "Why?" It is because the Lord is acting as the witness
between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her,
though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.”
“Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because He is seeking Godly
offspring. So guard yourself in
your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. "I hate divorce," says the Lord God
of
Malachi's
teaching:
1.
Breaking faith with a covenant marriage partner is
breaking faith with God.
2.
The breaking of the covenant by a wayward spouse
results in a severing of their relationship with God as He refuses to hear or
pay attention to offerings or prayers, no matter how sincere. Obviously
repentance must be sincere and restorative covenantly.
3.
God was party to the marriage covenant as witness
and an active participant by making the man and woman His own personal
possession.
4.
Faithfulness to the marriage covenant is necessary
to produce Godly offspring. Without it
the future of God's people is threatened.
5.
The covenant relationship belongs to the wife or
husband of the youth, the first one.
This is the union that God is a witness to and the enforcer of.
6.
Even though one of the parties may be unfaithful,
as described here, to the original covenant, it remains in force for God says
that the betrayed one remains the partner.
This dispels the notion entirely that adultery dissolves the marriage
covenant.
7.
God twice warns specifically not to break faith
with the spouse of your youth, the original union. These are direct warnings
against divorce and remarriage.
8.
Divorce is a spiritual attack with spiritual
results and lasting spiritual consequences.
9.
Divorce is a violent ripping away of the cloak
covering the husband provides for his wife, and the wife for the husband.
10. God Hates Divorce! He truly does. That's why He never severs the
covenant bonds and punishes those who violate them.
This is
God's final word on marriage and divorce in the Old Testament. Those hoping to
apply some earlier Old Testament provision allowing divorce and remarriage
should be careful. God was increasingly
leading people closer to the New Testament age in which we live.
This is
the immediate Biblical backdrop to the arrival of the Messiah. Jesus' own teachings closely follow the same
principles given here. He then takes it
several steps farther.
The New Testament Teachings on Marriage, Divorce and
Remarriage
A
Matthew 5:31, 32
"It has been said, Whosoever
shall put away his wife, let him give her a letter of divorcement: But I say
unto you, that Whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of
fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and
whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth
adultery.” (KJV)
Jesus' Teaching:
1.
A man must not divorce his wife, if she is not
guilty of “fornication”. If she marries again, he will have helped cause her to
become an adulteress.
2.
Any
divorced woman not put away for “fornication” can not remarry without becoming
an adulteress.
3.
Any man that marries a divorced woman who was
not put away for “fornication” becomes an adulterer.
4.
Jesus
abrogated Moses’ Deuteronomy 24:1-4 allowance for remarriage of a woman not put
away for “fornication.”
In
this passage on marriage and divorce, the first book in the New Testament,
which was written primarily to the Jews, Jesus sets the standard for His Church
to follow. Whatever the exception clause means, “saving for
the cause of fornication,” it has little active, or direct bearing on either
the husband, or the wife or the third party so narrowly described here. It is as important to understand what is not
taught here, as well as what is. Otherwise, it would only be too easy to
take untaught lessons and try to apply them elsewhere.
Jesus referred directly to a man who
divorced an innocent wife. Jesus did not refer to a man who divorced his
wife for fornication. Jesus referred
directly to an innocent woman who remarried. Jesus did not refer to a
guilty woman that remarried. As this passage is gender specific, it also does not deal with reverse sexual roles,
where the woman divorces her husband, and he remarries, therefore committing
adultery by doing so.
Jesus, in Matthew 5:31-32, prohibits an
innocent woman, who has been divorced by her husband, from remarrying. If she
does remarry, according to Jesus, she is guilty of adultery. Jesus did
not put any kind of qualifier on His statement, nor is any implied. He did not
say that she would not be an adulteress if her husband sinned, or remarried, or
for any other reason. He said that if she marries after being divorced she
would become an adulteress. This
innocent woman, legally divorced from her husband, can not remarry. Jesus went
on to say that any man that marries this woman is guilty of the sin of adultery
as well. He has in this passage of Scripture, abrogated the Moses
allowance for divorce and remarriage, which allowed the woman to remarry after
divorce if she wished to do so (Deut. 24:1-4).
By this teaching our Lord shows that God's original
standard is now being enforced. He indicates that
marriage is a binding covenant relationship as described by God Himself in
Malachi 2:14, and not just a human contract that can be broken. Here the validity of the marriage covenant is
considered by Jesus to survive any act of divorce, thereby precluding any
remarriage.
Jesus’ use of the exception clause indicates that
there is a difference in circumstances involving “porneia”, or fornication than those that do
not. The Greek root word "porneia" is different here
than adultery, which is always
translated from the Greek root word “moiceia”. In this passage, and the one to follow,
Jesus was referring to the Jewish betrothal process. After all, He was speaking to Jewish
lawmakers on legal matters.
This tradition, based upon Jewish law and custom
provided a way for the husband to back out of a marriage if it was proved that
the woman being married was not a virgin upon sexual consummation. Joseph considered putting away Mary, the
mother of Jesus, when he found out she was with child, thinking she had been
guilty of “porneia”,
but an angel revealed to him that The Holy Spirit was the father, not another
man.
A
translation of verse 32 could be written as follows:
“But I tell you, anyone who puts away his wife, except for
fornication (porneia), causes her to become an adulteress (moiceia), and anyone who then
marries the woman put away in such a way, commits adultery (moiceia).”
In other words, unless she
is dismissed on grounds of “porneia” (fornication), which means having sexual relations while
unmarried, she cannot rightfully and morally be put away. If she is put away,
or divorced, and subsequently remarries, then she now becomes an adulteress herself,
guilty of “moiceia” (adultery), having sexual relations with someone other than her
spouse. In addition the man who marries her also enters into “moiceia”(adultery), since he has
not really married her at all, but instead, having sexual relations with
another man’s wife.
John
Gill, in his historic commentary stated:
”that is, as much as in him lies: should she commit it,
he is the cause of it, by exposing her, through a rejection of her, to the
sinful embraces of others; and, indeed, should she marry another man, whilst he
is alive, which her divorce allows her to do, she must be guilty of adultery (moiceia); since she is his
proper wife, the bond of marriage not being dissolved by such a divorce.”
In the New Testament, fornication (root Greek word “porneia”) refers generally
to illicit sex of unmarried persons outside of a marriage covenant or its
spiritual counterpart. Fornication (porneia) may also be used to describe sexual sin in an
overall sense that includes any and every form of sexual vice including
adultery (moiceia),
but if so, that occurs specifically only in 1 Cor. 5:1. That case involved a
form of incest, which is not considered adultery (moiceia), but rather fornication (porneia). That is not the
case in Matthew's two accounts involving marriage, divorce and remarriage. The
occurrences of “fornication” (porneia), or
forms of the root word in The New Testament are as follows:
Matthew 5:32
“But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason
except ‘porneia’ causes her to commit adultery (moiceia); and whoever marries a
woman who has been divorced commits adultery (moiceia).” (NKJV)
Matthew 15:19
“For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries (moiceia), ‘porneia’, thefts, false witness,
blasphemies.” (NKJV)
Matthew 19:9
“And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for ‘porneia’, and marries another, commits adultery (moiceia); and whoever marries
her that is divorced commits adultery (moiceia).” (NKJV)
John 8:41
“’You do the deeds of your father’”. Then they said to Him, “We were not born of ‘porneia’; we have one Father –
God.” (NKJV)
Acts
“but
that we write to them to abstain from things polluted by idols, from ‘porneia’, from things strangled,
and from blood.” (NKJV)
Acts
“that
you abstain from things offered to idols, from blood, from things strangled,
and from ‘porneia’.” (NKJV)
Acts
“…they should from things
offered to idols, from blood, from things strangled, and from ‘porneia’.” (NKJV)
1 Cor. 5:1
“It is actually reported that
there is ‘porneia’ among you, and such ‘porneia’ as is not named among the Gentiles – that a man has his father’s
wife!” (NKJV)
1 Cor. 6:13
“…Now the body is not for ‘porneia’ but for the Lord, this is
to shame you…” (NKJV)
1 Cor. 6:18
“Flee ‘porneia’. Every sin that a man does
is outside the body, but He that commits ‘porneia’ sins against his own body.” (NKJV)
2 Cor. 12:21
“Lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and I
shall mourn for many whom have sinned before and have not repented of the
uncleanness, ‘porneia’, and lewdness which they have practiced.” (NKJV)
Galatians 5:19
“Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery (moiceia), ‘porneia’, uncleanness, lewdness” (NKJV)
Ephesians 5:3
“But ‘porneia’ and all uncleanness or
covetousness, let it not be named among you, as is fitting for saints.” (NKJV)
Ephesians 5:5
“For this you know, that no ‘porneia’, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any
inheritance in the
Colossians 3:5
“Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: ‘porneia’, uncleanness, passion,
evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” (NKJV)
1 Thessalonians 4:3
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should
abstain from ‘porneia’.” (NKJV)
Revelation 2:21
“ And I gave her time to repent of her ‘porneia’, and she did not repent.” (NKJV)
Revelation 9:21
“And they did not repent of their murders or their sorceries, or their
‘porneia’ or their thefts.” (NKJV)
Jesus was
teaching that the man in question who divorced his wife would cause his wife to
commit adultery when she is forced to remarry in order to survive, and that any
man that subsequently marries her is also in sin. The point Jesus was making is
that it is a sin for a man to put his wife into that position. Jesus is condemning divorce and remarriage for all the
parties involved, not defining an exit clause.
B.
Matthew 19:3-12
“The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and
saying to Him, "Is
it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" And He answered and said to them, "Have
you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and
female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave His father and mother and
be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So then, they are no
longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let
not man separate."
“They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command
to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" He said to them, "Moses, because of the
hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the
beginning it was not so. And I say to
you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery."
“His disciples said to
Him, "If
such is the case of the man and his wife, it is better not to marry." But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying,
but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born
thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by
men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the
Jesus' teaching:
1.
A husband and wife are to leave their parents and
cleave to each other.
2.
When a man and a woman marry God makes them one
flesh. No one may separate them. Anyone attempting to do so will fail, as well
as pick a fight with God.
3.
By Divine Decree God declares that no man has the
authority to alter a supernatural unifying act of God, and consequently God
neither recognizes any human decision to the contrary nor obligingly cuts the
one flesh body in half.
4.
A man who divorces his wife and marries another
woman commits adultery, by sinning against her, in contravention of the
covenant union.
5.
It is better for some not to marry, namely eunuchs,
those with sexual impairments, and those who choose to do so for God's service.
He tells all to accept His teaching.
In
Matthew’s account of this confrontation, also recorded in Mark, Jesus restores
the standard concerning marriage. He
also gave an insider's view of what God's standards are, and affirms that they
are unchanged since the beginning. Since
Matthew’s Gospel was written as a witness to the Jews he emphasized certain
points not found in Mark’s account, since Mark was writing primarily to the
Romans.
As in
Jesus’ earlier recorded teaching, the exception clause ‘except for marital unfaithfulness’
is the Greek word “porneia”,
or rendered properly in English as “fornication”. It refers only to the Jewish
betrothal custom of the time, backed by the law. That was when a bride was found upon marriage
consummation not to be a virgin; the bridegroom could divorce her for “porneia” and then marry
another.
A literal original Greek translation of verse 9 is
as follows:
“And I say to you, whoever puts away his wife,
except for fornication (porneia),
and marries another, commits adultery (moiceia); and whoever marries her who is put away commits
adultery (moiceia).”
Matthew Henry quoted Dr. Whitby
as follows:
“Dr. Whitby
understands this, not of adultery (moiceia), but (because our Saviour uses the word porneia
(porneia)- fornication ) of uncleanness
committed before marriage, but discovered afterward; because, if it were
committed after, it was a capital crime, and there needed no divorce. He
disallows it in all other cases: ‘Whosoever
puts away his wife, except for fornication (porneia), and marries another, commits adultery (moiceia).’ This is a direct answer to their query, - ‘that it is not
lawful’.”
All those listening to the debate expected Jesus to
side with either the "Hillel" school of
thought that believed that divorce was legal for any and every reason, or the
"Shammai" group, that taught adultery was
the only legitimate reason for divorce. He surprised His hearers with a new, uncompromising
position, disallowing divorce and remarriage at all.
C.
Mark 10: 2 –12
“Some Pharisees came and
tried to trap him with a question: ‘Should a man be allowed to divorce his
wife?’ 'What did Moses say about
divorce?' Jesus asked them. ‘Well, he permitted it," they replied. He said
a man merely has to write his wife an official letter of divorce and send her
away.’”
“But Jesus responded, ‘he
wrote those instructions only as a concession to your hard-hearted
wickedness. But God's plan was seen from
the beginning of creation, for; "He made them male and female." This
explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and
the two are united into one." Since they are no longer
two, but one, let no man separate them, for God has joined them together.’”
“Later, when he was alone
with his disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again. He told
them, ‘whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery
against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and remarries, she commits
adultery.’" (NLT)
Jesus' teaching:
1.
The old covenant allowed divorce only as a
concession to hard - hearted wickedness.
2.
God changes a man and woman’s status upon marriage
and unites them into one.
3.
Jesus declares that no one must separate a husband
and wife.
4.
If a man divorces his wife and marries another, he
is committing adultery.
5.
A woman who divorces her husband and remarries
commits adultery.
6.
Jesus treats both males and females the same
insofar as marriage and divorce.
This is
Marks' account of the same conversation recorded in Matthew 19. Being written to Roman gentile Christians, he
provides us further understanding of Jesus’ teaching and the interpretation
intended for us to take. As we know from
both accounts, the disciples were shocked and disturbed by Jesus' answer to the
Pharisees.
They
waited until they could get Him alone to ask Him for verification and
clarification. He confirmed what He meant by firmly
slamming the door on divorce and remarriage forever. Giving them the bottom line, He declared:
"Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone
else commits adultery (moiceia)
against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and remarries, she commits
adultery (moiceia)." (Mark 10: 11 – 12
NLT)
As with the disciples, there is great dismay and
shock when the words of Jesus, recorded here, are spoken to the Church today. It was difficult to accept and obey back then, just as it
is now. In having this private meeting recorded for us, the Holy Spirit
has clearly detailed God's stand on marriage and divorce and remarriage.
D.
Luke 16: 15 - 18
"Then He said to them, "You like to look
good in public, but God knows your evil hearts. What the world honors is an
abomination in the sight of God. Until John the Baptist began to preach, the
Law of Moses and the messages of the prophets were your guides. But now the good news of the
“But that doesn't mean that the law has lost its
force in even the smallest point. It is stronger and more permanent than heaven
and earth. Anyone who divorces his wife
and marries someone else commits adultery and anyone whom marries a divorced woman commits adultery" (NLT)
Jesus'
teaching:
1.
It is
irrelevant what the world thinks or does or what its opinions are. God does not
agree with the world and what the world honors is an abomination to God.
2.
The words of Jesus Christ are to be our
instructions from that time to this.
3.
The moral law is still in force and being enforced.
It is more permanent than heaven and earth; not even the smallest part is
changed. It will be in effect forever.
Obedience to the law does not produce salvation, but disobedience is sin, and
punishable by God.
4.
Anyone who divorces his wife and marries someone
else commits adultery.
5.
Anyone who marries a divorced woman commits
adultery.
This passage of scripture makes the
teachings of Jesus rather clear-cut. He states
that whatever the worlds standards are, they are not to be adopted by his
followers.