SELECTED
EMAILS
51-100
Please Note: Some of the emails selected and published here have been
edited to remove inappropriate details. An attempt has also been made to remove
any material information that may identify persons by name or certain specific
institutions. We regret that most emails we received cannot be published due to
the large volume of correspondents. We appreciate each and every person who has
written us. We praise God that hearts are being touched by truth. When you read
these letters, please pray for those pouring out their hearts, as well for the
countless millions who need Jesus Christ and His message, and have not heard,
because no one would go and teach them…
51.
GENERATIONAL EVIL IN THE HEART OF THE
CHURCH
I have always believed
that God hates divorce, but I was always one of those blinded Christians who
thought that as long as there was adultery by one party, the marriage could be
ended and the parties were free to remarry.
How ever because of my own sin and lack of genuine fear of the Holy God,
( I now serve with all my heart mind and
strength,)
I have found my self
pleading my case before my husband
that he might see the true repentance and changes God has made in my life, because he also believes that because of my unfaithfullness he should divorce me "before I do more
damage to his life".
While I understand his
hurt, and know that he is justified in his anger, I
don't believe God’s will is
for us to divorce. But my husband was
raised in a
"Bible believing
church" that
his father pastored.
His father and mother
are divorced because of her
unfaithfulness, and yes his father is remarried
to a woman who is also
divorced.
My husband now faces the
huge task of not only forgiving me and rebuilding our marriage, but in order to
do that he has to see his fathers actions in the light
of Gods word.
I guess I tell you all
this to first thank you for standing up
and speaking the truth but also to ask if you have any further advice or
scripture or encouragement I could pass on to my husband.
Again thankyou
and God bless
R (Name Withheld)
52
I must say with you, AMEN!!!
The Lord spared our marriage. After about nine years of marriage things
were getting a little rough, and rather than "packing it in", I broke
before the Lord and begged Him for mercy, completely reliquishing
my will, willing to do whatever He told me to do. He taught me about submission. It has been a very painful (almost) two
years, but oh, has my family changed! We
have learned to look at scripture literally, not explaining the uncomfortable
things away, which lead us to leave our church of almost eight years.
After a period of
fruitless church hunting, we home churched for awhile with another family… We have since begun visiting a local
Mennonite church, where the doctrine you have upheld in your article is taught. They are the only ones (except for the
Charity churches) who uphold this doctrine as far as I know.
During our church hunting days, we spent a couple of
months with a house church which upholds this teaching. One of the main families was in this
situation... and have separated. This was the first time we had to deal with
this issue "where we lived" as this couple and their seven children
were becoming very dear to us. They came
to the Lord and accepted His will for their lives while pregnant with their
last child, and what a beautiful testimony they have! It is very painful, as they obviously love
each other more now than ever, but they are remaining true to the word and
maintaining separate living situations.
We feel that home churching is kind of a last
resort, mainly because we don't want to just cast ourselves adrift again. We need discipleship, and we don't really
even know where to begin looking.
Meanwhile, we are fellowshipping with the believers at at this tiny Mennonite church, most of whom
are in our shoes…
Blessings and encouragement to you,
J (Name Withheld)
53
GENERATIONAL CURSE OF DIVORCE
I have read your essay on marriage, divorce, and
remarriage.
What is one to do when they find themselves in this
situation?
I am married to a man who has a living spouse. She is also remarried.
If I divorce (legally), which he is opposed to, I
have nowhere to reside
except with family members who
are also in this situation.
As a young girl, I attended church with my mother,
father, and siblings.
When I was twelve, my father left us for my mother's
best friend who also
attended the same church. We lost a family, my father lost a
relationship
with his children (as he does
not seek one now), my mother lost a best
friend, my father lost a best
friend (as the other women's husband was his
best friend), and we children
lost our playmates (the children of the other
women).
My father never seemed like a bad father. He didn't drink, smoke, cuss, lose his
temper, or any other characteristic Christians deem ungodly. He took his family to church on a regular
basis. When my mother discovered his adultery and divorced him, we no longer attended
church.
My father no longer pursued any type of relationship
with
us. I was extremely devasted
as I was a "daddy's girl" and I could not
understand why our time together
was no longer important to him.
As of now, my father is still married to this women,
my mother is
remarried, my sister is married a
third time (her first husband is still
living, her second husband is
deceased and she is now married for a
third
time.)
I have three
beautiful children. I want to do what is right and best for
them. Where do I go? All of these situations would not provide
the example
I want for them. I have no way of supporting myself
and the children as I have not worked (outside the home) in eight years. I do not possess the necessary training needed
to have a job that would support us. My "husband"
will not consent to a divorce and he threatens to contest the divorce if I
file. As you are probably aware, one
must have legal grounds for divorce.
Without a legal divorce, the children and I will have no means of
financial help. If I leave without pursuing a legal divorce,
he will force me, by law, to bring the children back.
The "church" is not a place I can turn to
either as I cannot find anyone that agrees with dissolving a marriage for the
reasons specified in your essay.
I am confused and I don't know where to begin.
Can you help me find direction????
Thanks, (Name Withheld)
54
MESSY SITUATION CAUSED BY SIN AND
UNBELIEF
Hello. Our names are N******* and D*****. We have a
friend whose name is Susanne. She dearly loves the Lord. She has been married twice and also divorced
twice. Looking back now as a Christian, she believes her second marriage was
adultery.
She was a Christian then I believe in that marriage,
but due to problems with a violent and abusive husband, she divorced. (We do
not know the whole story) She has no
contact with her 1st husband but she does know he does NOT wish to see her.
Her 2nd husband she sees every 2nd weekend as she
needs to drop off her children for a weekend access to their father. She is now
trying to live her life pleasing to the Lord but is confused to her state now.
Is she bound to her 1st husband still? Her 2nd
husband at times has mentioned reconciliation but she feels that would not be
right. Also he does not seem to know or love the Lord. She asks which covenant
is she under? We believe it is the first, but now she
is divorced and her first
husband does not want to see
her, we believe she needs to remain single.
She has returned to her maiden name but feels
strange being called Miss F.... when she
has two children with her still. (Others have left home) She wears a gold ring
on her finger as she does not want to look available. She says she is not sure
of her identity.
We believe in Marriage till death do us part, though
we are not used to these 'messier' situations that sin and unbelief cause. We are still searching the scriptures and your article on The Restoration of Marriage which we could
also share with her.
I realise you must be very
busy but we just wanted to know if you could give us any words of wisdom on her
situation.
Christians to Biblical “Marriage Covenant” Theology.
With Christian Greetings,
(Names Withheld)
55
PASTOR’S WIFE STANDING FOR HER PRODICAL
HUSBAND
Stephen,
Thank you for your website! It is encouraging to see that there are those
who are choosing God's only way, not the world's way. It is by his grace, that
we are able to follow his way. He does not require anything from us that he
will not enable us to do it by His Spirit. I join with you in the prayer that
Christians will have the scales from their eyes removed.
I have been standing for my husband (a former
evangelical pastor) for almost 4 years now of separation. We are not divorced.
It's easy to look at the length of time and get discouraged but God is not
bound by that. I need prayer especially for this coming week as his young son
and I will be seeing him (He has been living with another woman). I want God's
love and Spirit to fill me totally.
Thank you for your prayers,
R (Name Withheld)
56
PRAY TO THE LORD OF THE HARVEST, TO SEND
FORTH WORKERS
MY NAME IS C********,
THE DIVORCE WAS FINAL
YOUTH MINISTER. WE HAVE THREE SMALL CHILDREN. THEY
ARE DEVASTATED!
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT! I
HAVE BEEN SOBER AND SEEKING THE LORD FOR 18 MOS. I KNOW THERE IS HOPE. THE
CHURCH SEEMS TO HAVE SOME AVERSION TO THIS "HIGHLY PERSONAL" (WHERE
ELSE
HAVE I HEARD THOSE TWO WORDS?) SUBJECT.
MY WIFE IS OPEN TO COUNSELING.
PLEASE, CAN YOU REFER US TO SOMEONE WHO CAN
OFFER BIBLICAL GUIDANCE? WE THANK YOU!!!
IN HIM,
C (Name Withheld)
57
PEOPLE USE ANY EXCUSE TO BREAK A MARRIAGE
Stephen,
I have read with interest and I agree with much of
what you've
said. I have spent much time the past year reading the
Bible and many books on Christian marriage, both from a practical perspective
and a theological perspective.
I believe that I have a pretty good understanding
now of just what
God's design for marriage is and what He expects
from me. I know that there are many that
would not agreed with your theology on marriage, they claim you're "legalistic". It has also been my experience that when
someone doesn't like the message God brings to us then these same people are
quick to call us legalists who believe in obedience to all of God's
commands. I don't condemn those you have
divorced no matter what the reasons. But
I als0 don't believe
all the reasons I hear as to why a divorce was "legitimate".
The comment I hear frequently from people who have
divorced or are divorcing is that a loving God would not want me to remain in a
marriage where I am not happy. That is
true on the surface, but God's solution is to live by His will and make the
necessary changes to change your marriage to what God designed it to be, not to
bail out.
My prayers will be with you.
L (Name Withheld)
58
PRAYING, FAITHFUL AND BELIEVING STANDER
Please pray for my husband J***** and me. We have
been married for a year
and a half. 3 months ago he
left me for another woman and her 3 kids. I am 6
months pregnant with our first
child. He said a few weeks ago he knows he is
wrong. That he is waiting for
the lord to get him away from them.
I pray that
the Lord will take ahold of J***** and guide him home where he belongs.
Thank you for your prayers.
S(Name Withheld)
59
DID NOT CONSULT SCRIPTURES, LIFE
UNRAVELING
I am sending this e-mail in hope of a miracle. I
have married a women who has been twice married
before. I was never taught the scriptures in detail, nor had I sought them out.
Now in a time of distress in my life and with the help of the information found
on the Internet I have become more aware of the Lord's teachings.
I've known and others I have just learned. I was
unaware that marrying a
divorced women, who's first
husband is still alive, places me in sin as an
adulterer. I had never been
married and had no children. Now I have three
boy's. Two of which our mine,
identical twins, and the other a child from her
first marriage.
Through the grace of the Lord my children our happy
and
healthy. My wife is wanting a divorce and her independence back. I am willing to let her
go, but my heart is hurting tremendously. My question to you is: if I shall let her go and I will, where is my
ability to remarry if I wish
and at what consequences do
I face.
Am I held in the Lord's law under these
circumstances? Am I to be held accountable for marring a women twice
divorced who has brought me into this
sin unaware of the sin I am committing? I may only be looking for an answer
that will help me through this....but with everything going on in this world
and all the sin present I may have already failed.
(Name Withheld)
60
HOPE GIVEN AS DIVORCE PAPERS SERVED
I love your website, it has given me hope. Although today was terrible, I just got
served divorce papers. My spouse and I
have been separated 52 days only and have not talked in person about any of
this. He sent me a letter saying he
didn't love me anymore and felt it was premature to marry me.
He has been online on a dating service, dating
women, stating he is divorced. He is
currently living with his parents.
Any type of correspondence is appreciated as is your
prayers.
Much blessings,
(Name Withheld)
61
UNWILLINGLY BEING DIVORCED
Hi Stephen,
Just read your peice on
restoration of Christian marriage. Good stuff. I am a
Christian and going down
the divorce road (unwillingly). Thanks for the
truth.
S(Name Withheld)
62
ABOUT UNREPENTANT DIVORCED AND REMARRIED
Dear Sir,
I applaud your articles regarding divorce and
remarriage, and I have concluded the same myself.
However, you do not make it clear as to the present
status of those who are presently divorced and remarried, and what they must do
to repent.
In refering to Ezra, and
the Jewish men abandoning those illegitimate marriages, are you indirectly
implying that this must be done in order for those who have divorced and
remarried to repent?
What I have
concluded from my own study and reflection on adultery is that no unrepentant
adulterers shall inherit the
Please share your conclusions according to scripture
to me, and state whether or not you agree with the conclusion I adhere to
regarding these unrepentant divorced and remarried adulterers.
God Bless You,
D(Name Withheld)
63
A COVENANT IS A COVENANT IS A COVENANT
Hello,
By the grace of God, I am 25 years into a wonderful
marriage with the
wife of my youth. We have two growing children, 19 and 17, and
they are
convinced of the sanctity of the
marriage covenant as my wife and I are.
Obviously, this poses no small challenge to them, as
they are quite aware
that our is a minority,
though Biblically correct, position. We
do have
a few families of friends
who are likeminded on this issue, and that has
been a real blessing to us
throughout the years.
As I mentioned, I am in the process of discussion
with two pastors, ours
and a sister church's
pastor, about the permanence of marriage.
I do
not, in any way, wish to demean
them, as I believe them both to be wise
and Godly, yet - on this
issue - to be at variance with the preponderance
of Scripture, if studied
carefully. Pray for my humble and
studied,
convincing presentation of the
Scriptures which bear upon these most
important doctrines, as we discuss
them later this year.
When people ask me if I believe in divorce, I tell
them "Yes, I do." I
believe it happens, but I do not
believe it should. It's the same as
saying I believe in adultery,
or murder. Even more, however, is that I
do believe that there is
the Biblical right to a divorce. We must
accept
this as a fact, because our
Lord preached about it. But, He never
intimated that divorce was
permissible after a legal marriage had been
consummated. For years, I believed that the "porneia" of which is spoken
in Matthew referred to
betrothal unfaithfulness, and could result in the
dissolution of the betrothal
agreement, which required a divorce for such
dissolution. Recently, as I've more thoroughly studied the
words
"porneia"
and "moichea", I am relatively firm in a
slight variant in this
consideration.
I now believe, after literally weeks of writing out
and
saying the Matthean
passages over dozens of hours, that the most
consistent rendering which
harmonizes both the Old and the New Testament
passages concerning marriage is
the following. "Porneia"
is the
fraudulent representation of
virginity, discovered on the wedding night.
So, it is a betrothal violation of sorts, but
discovered on the wedding
night. This allows for Deuteronomy
sensibly in all the OT and NT
marriage passages.
The single most important foundation for the
permanence of marriage is
not the Matthean
exception clauses, obviously, but the understanding of
what a covenant is. Without the covenantal foundation, nothing
else
matters. A covenant is a covenant is a covenant. God, as the sovereign,
made a covenant relationship
with my wife and me, as the other party, at
our wedding. It is His covenant, not ours, in the same way
that
salvation is His covenant with us,
it is not ours. That is why I cannot
lose my salvation, because it
is not mine to lose. In the same
fashion,
I cannot invalidate my covenant of marriage, because
it is not mine to do
so. God could, conceivably, invalidate the
covenant, but He does not do
so, for He is a covenant
keeper, not a covenant breaker. Man,
though he
be a covenant breaker,
cannot invalidate the covenant, as it is not his
to do so with. If man could end a covenant, then our
salvation is never
secure, and all the security of
which the Scriptures assure us are lies.
Covenant is a unilateral relationship established by
a sovereign and
imposed upon a vassal, in which
there are blessings for obedience, and
curses for disobedience. If, by transgressing the terms of the
covenant
(for example, by adultery
in a marriage covenant), the covenant were
ended, then there would be no
penalty phase. The covenant would simply
be over. Hence, a covenant cannot be ended by the
transgression of the
terms of the covenant. Simply, the transgressors put themselves
under
the curses of the covenant,
rather than under the blessings.
OK, Stephen, I guess I did wax a bit longer here
than I'd intended. But,
this is a bit of the flavor
and the passion with which I view the
Christian defense of
marriage.
Until later, May God add
His blessing to our communications, and may they
be a blessing to Him and to
us.
(Name Withheld)
64
NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHY SHE IS STANDING
Please pray for the restoration of my marriage. The
divorce was final in February
and he bought the house
from me. Since I have not
been able to find anything I
could afford, I am still
living in the same house with
him and our children. I
never wanted this and believe
the Lord can restore my
marriage. I just feel so alone.
I have no one here that understands why I am
standing
for my marriage.
B(Name Withheld)
65
“RELIGIOUS” DILEMMAS COME INTO PLAY –
CHURCH CRIPPLED BY CONFUSION
Stephen,
Let me first start out by saying thank you. I was absolutely blown away by
your paper titled "The
Restoration of Christian Marriage A Call For
Repentance and
Reformation." I just finished reading it for
the second
time tonight…
In your paper you clearly state that divorce and
remarrying is against
God's will. But as it was explained to me God does permit
divorce, (but
does not insist on divorce)
for a sexual affair freeing the vicitimized
spouse from committing
adultery. Also it was explained to me in
1 cor
after reading your paper I can
clearly see that divorce is not even
mentioned in that passage. It states let him/her leave, but not get a
divorce. Separation only. Paul was confirming what God's law was in 10
and 11. Let them return that hopefully the Christian
spouse could lead
their unchristian spouse to
the Lord…
I will soon be approaching 31 next month. My wife and I were married in
95 and we separated for the second time in
2000. It was my idea both times to
separate. The divorce quickly took place
in with my wife completing and filling for the divorce. We have no children…
Now, a little about the marriage. During pretty much the whole marriage I
did not show respect towards
her, I did not appreciate some of the things
she did, and I took a lot of
things for granted. Basically it was all
about me, then what ever came
next whether it was her, God, friends,
sports, or work. Now don't get me wrong we were able to get
along great at
times and usually really
enjoyed each other. But I honestly think
it was
that affair (that I look back
now and see how I was deceived) that really
affected my way of thinking
throughout the whole marriage. I always
felt
that there was something else
better out there. WRONG - deception…
Now here is where all the religious dilemmas come
into play. My wife who
at one time told me to
watch my mouth when I said the word "sh*t"
(excuse
the grammar) and asked if I
would say that in front of Jesus, has said that
she felt that God wanted us
to get a divorce and has asked God for
forgiveness for it. She feels that she is justified because I
committed
adultery and I was a
none-believer when I left. I have truly
confessed and
repented of my sins the day that
I let the Lord into my life. I have even
shared this with her and I have
personally apologized to her for who I was
and all the wrong that I
did.
I have also shared with her scriptures regarding
just about everything that you did in your paper and even more (Jeremiah 3: 6 -
14 God's
reconciliation to
Now that I am saved I see Satan's hand in this whole
thing. How he deceived me before and
during our marriage. How he deceived us
into getting a divorce, how he is deceiving her in this new relationship. Like you said Satan hates marriage and loves
divorce and I feel that he is still keeping us
from getting together. I have tried to explain these things to her,
but it
is coming from me and she
won't listen. I guess the hardest thing
about
this is, it is her, this girl
who did anything to make our marriage work is
now doing these things. I know she prayed for me and our
marriage. I feel
that God has answered her
prayers, but they were on His time not hers.
Just like 1 Peter 3: 1,2.
Now here is what angers me. I did speak to the pastor of our church. I
told him the things I
did. I have expressed my desires to be
with her
again and he confirmed it all
with me even when we prayed together.
About
a month later she went to
see him and I think his story changed a little.
I believe that he is trying to save his congregation
because her mom has
been divorced in the distant
past. Her mom even confronted him in
church
asking if he had called her daughter an adulterer and bad mouthed me a little to him. She does have a mouth on her and can spread some good stuff if you know w