Spirit of Hosea
~Encouragement Site~
Standing
for the Restoration of Covenant Marriages
SELECTED
EMAILS
Please Note: Some of the
emails selected and published here have been edited to remove inappropriate
details. An attempt has also been made where necessary to remove any material
information that may identify persons by name or certain specific institutions.
We regret that most emails we received cannot be published due to the large
volume of correspondents. We appreciate each and every person who has written
us. We praise God that hearts are being touched by truth. When you read these
letters, please pray for those pouring out their hearts, as well for the
countless millions who need Jesus Christ and His message, and have not heard,
because no one would go and teach them…
1
A SOLDIER OF THE
CROSS OF CHRIST
Dear Stephen Wilcox
I have been a single parent for
fourteen years. I was ordained a
minister of the word of God in 1990, and by 1993, I was astonished with the
compromise of God’s Holy Word, that I witnessed in the church. Pleading to my superiors in these matters,
fell on fell on ears that refused to hear.
The cliché, “what is truth is truth and what is right is right”, meant
nothing to those who were in-charge and I was told many times, that I had a
choice in the matter. “I could stay or I
could leave”. Needless to say, I left, and left, and left. I was branded a
legalist on many occasions because my opinions (taken from scripture on
obedience to the Word) did not fit that particular ministry.
Between 1990 and 2000, I have seen
homosexuality blatantly accepted with in the church, divorce and remarriage by ministers and
pastors as well as congregants. Pastors
proclaim their personal prophesy, in
order to raise money, and many other situations that were simply unjust and
against God’s Word. My choice is to have no particular church affiliation, but to
do God’s work without the hindrance of the politics, that are…. I founded the
Divine Word Ministry, so that I could print monthly news letters about the
present apostasy in the church today, to pastors and as many people who wished
them (at no cost to them). On occasion I am asked to preach and I do. I have
preached in eight states to many people, with no compromise of the Word of God.
I sent my son **** to ….Christian
Schools, where he received the most awesome Christian education. His
understanding of the Word of God left me in awe on many occasions. The most
fascinating part about his Christian walk, is that he lives it each day. Upon his graduation, he received the President’s
award for academics, The
Sadly, his experience within the
church was about the same as mine. ( the apple didn’t fall far from the
tree) I was told by one of the youth
ministers, who assisted the teen ministry, that when ***** was asked questions
about scripture, by the youth leader, the entire class (which was usually very
noisy) was totally quite, as he not only gave the corrected scripture from
memory, but explained its meaning to the class on many occasions. Of course this didn’t sit well with the youth
ministry leader at all. He didn’t understand that for 5 years, 2 hours a day my
son studied Scripture, Christian
sociology, and Christian World ethics.
When the youth minister at our
church, told the teens that it was all right for them to participate in sex,
because they were young and that God understood, my son was shocked. In his hast to correct the youth leader, he
stood and said; “You can’t teach these kids that!” After class, the youth
leader called my son over and said; “You know too much, maybe you should go to
the adult class”. A few weeks later the
youth leader removed himself from his position. My son left the church. He
continues to read Scripture and continues to take notes on God’s Word. ( he has
note books full of notes on scripture) We sit on many occasions and share the
Word of God, discuss church politics, and conditions in the world today. He is 6’2”, lifts
weights, goes to Christian concerts with his friends, feeds the homeless at the
Inner City Ministry each Thrusday , and is a Senior
at ….. University. (Pre Medical)
I believe that God touched my
heart in writing this book to help, the so very many people who are
compromising the Word. I wish to believe
that if people were instructed properly, many would try their best to do what
is right in their lives and the lives of others.
The book is about the compromise
and the consequences, of blatantly breaking the word of God. It speaks about
the history of the Christian church and its compromise, which caused millions
upon millions of people their lives. It speaks about the Crusades and the
Inquisition, Martin Luther’s Reformation and His views of the Jewish People
which caused more death and suffering (because of more compromise). The commandments
of God, and how they must relate to the modern man with no compromise. Slavery
in the United States (more compromise) “The destruction of the American
Christian family through divorce and remarriage and its effect on today’s
society”. Your paper would enhance this section and lead the people of God to a
better understanding. Forgiveness and acquiring salvation.
I was so very impressed with your paper, as I
didn’t know that there were many who wrote about true obedience to the Word of
God. True it has been difficult for my son and I, because of our stance on
Christian ethics. I have lost friends and jobs, but God fulfills all of our
needs. The use of your paper would be
most helpful, in my quest to spread the Word. I thank you much for writing me back
and inquiring about my book.
Sincerely yours in Christ,
Rev. (name withheld)
2
FROM OLD REFORMED
TO NEW REFORMER
Dear Stephen,
I recently obtained a copy of
"THE RESTORATION OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE, A CALL FOR REPENTANCE AND
REFORMATION, BY STEPHEN WILCOX" from your web site. I read it with great interest, and I am in
complete agreement with what the *Word of God* has to say on the issue of
remarriage. Fortunately, your article
reflects the right view, as laid out in scripture, flawlessly!
I write to you because this is a
subject very near and dear to my heart.
I believe that remarriage is a plague sent upon the church by the enemy
of light, and it is destroying the family quicker than a cancer.
Because I have been attending a
reformed church - (that is; we hold to the teachings of the early church
reformers), your article is especially useful and informative to me.
Sadly, years before my family
began attending the church we are at, the Pastor's wife left him for another
man in the church.
Pastor has managed to remain
divorced, while raising his daughter, from infant through college - alone. That was a quality which attracted my wife
and I to the small community church in the first place. However, all of that changed when the Pastor
made an announcement last Sunday - He informed the congregation that he is
getting remarried this October.
Unfortunately, I cannot sit under
such teaching. As in the books of
Timothy and Titus, he will be disqualified as a Pastor the minute he says
"I do". This will mark the 4th church my family has attended, and
left, in the past few years - all over the issue of remarriage. You may find it severe to leave a church over
this one issue, but I am raising 3 children, all in their teens now, and I want
them to have a right view of marriage – before they enter into it. Unfortunately, when a church doesn't share my
views on this subject, it is toxic to my children's chances of sustaining a
healthy marriage relationship.
Quite frankly, I don't know where
to go next. There aren't any churches
that I know of in my area which are free from this plague - even at the highest
levels. I can readily count several
remarried Pastors that I know of - easily more than a half dozen of them.
That is a little of my background,
and how I came to seek out your article during a web search. I would like your permission to distribute a
printed copy to the few folks who may want to know our reasons for leaving the
church. I do not seek to cause any
divisions, but at the same time, I also believe that people deserve an honest
answer.
Your article does a very good job
explaining how far off target the church has gotten since the times of the early
church fathers - in a format that is geared towards those who hold near and
dear the views of the early church reformers.
In addition, I have painstakingly
converted your (short version) writing into Palm Pilot format, so that I can
read it on my Palm handheld device. I
have attached a copy of that file to this mailnote,
in case you wish to postit to your web site for any
other Palm users to take advantage of.
Thank you for daring to take a
right stand on this issue. I know a
little of the sacrifice it takes, as I bounce my family from church to church,
in search of one that will uphold the truth.
This is one area that even the most God-fearing churches refuse to
follow the Bible on.
Blessings in Christ,
R (name withheld)
3
BETRAYED BY CHURCH
AND PASTOR
Dear Mr. Wilcox,
I just finished reading your
article on The Restoration of Christian Marriage. And I just wanted to thank you, for
confirming what the Lord has been revealing to me.
My husband (ex-husband) and I are
both Christians. He filed for divorced
and left in February. We had been
married 7 years and have 2 small children.
I had had an affair the first year of our marriage, but he claimed to
have forgiven me. When things got tough
for us (illness, other sin, etc) he filed for divorce and left. He went to our pastor, told him of the affair
6 years ago, and basically got his blessing for the divorce.
Our pastor never even contacted me
or tried to discuss this with us together at all. I have been devastated and angry at how this
was handled in our church. I’m not angry anymore as much as I am saddened. I just can’t seem to get past that if our
pastor had handled this in a biblical way, I probably wouldn’t be divorced
right now.
It is a tough realization that I
must remain single and cannot remarry.
But God’s way isn’t always easy or understandable I guess. Besides having 2 small children to raise on
my own, and having to work full time, I also have Multiple Sclerosis. It isn’t easy for me to understand how God
expects me to do this on my own I guess.
But what He calls me to do (and I now truly believe that it would be
wrong for me to remarry) He will give me the strength to do. And I continue to pray earnestly for the
restoration of my marriage.
Sorry to have made this so
long. I just wanted to thank you for the
article and I hope it can be passed on to ALL pastors who will then seek God in
this area and give Godly counsel to others in our situation.
I’ve considered passing it on to
the pastor of the church who gave his blessing for our divorce. But I’m not sure if that is wise or not. I’m trying to trust God for the restoration
and trying not to get in His way. But I do thank you again. I have learned a lot and hope to be able to
teach others also.
God Bless,
DL (Name withheld)
4
CONCERNING
DOUBLEMINDEDNESS, APATHY AND WOLVES
Dear Mr.
Wilcox,
My name
is (name withheld)
Time and
space limit giving full account of our experience of divorce and remarriage in
the church. In summation I have to say double mindedness, apathy and wolves in
sheep's clothes abound. The destruction of His kingdom has crept in so
stealthily... the ways of man have become the norm, acceptable and encouraged
by the "Christian community".
It
grieves me greatly... yet only a grain of sand, I am sure, compared to our Holy
Father and precious Lord Jesus.
The
consequences have been personally devastating. In seeking assistance and
"Godly" counsel by our church, and "Christian"
professionals for our marital crisis... My beloved husband... was rather
encouraged to walk away from our precious Lord and did divorce me last month.
I rend my
heart for my own beloved and for every other precious and holy union that has
been betrayed, misled and shredded by worldly thinking.
I thank
God for the revelation of HIS truth and stand in obedience to HIS word, I live
in hope and prayer for HIS promise of restoration and blessings.
I look
forward to the miracle of healing and restoration by HIS mighty and glorious
hand.
The Lord
has laid upon my spirit such a desire for this ministry... prior to being
divorced... that the spiritual battle is quite plain before me. Satan is
defeated... he shall not win... My GOD is a GREAT GOD and HE will not give HIS
GLORY to another, nor let HIS servant be ashamed.
Stand
Firm... Mr. Wilcox in truth... Forge on... for the Lord goes before you into
the battle.
God bless
and keep you and yours,
In
Christ,
HS (Name
withheld)
5
SPIRIT LEAPS FOR
JOY
May HE
bless you abundantly for your stand in TRUTH.
I just
found your sight.... I have been awaiting the reconcilliation
by the
goodness and grace of God
for a while.
Everything
in your writing is just as revealed to me in the word... in my
own study
and meditations.
My
Spirits leaps with Joy to find ONE other who demonstrates a great concern for
the crumbling of the foundation of God's kingdom. How dreadful the holiness of
marriage has been smattered in the Christian community.
In
Christ... God keep you and yours... faithful servant.
(Name
withheld)
6
MISERABLE
I just
found your website. I am divorced and
remarried and miserable.
Miserable
because I feel my new marriage is not valid and I'm trapped.
I became
a Christian long before I married my first wife. I foolishly committed adultery several times
during my first marriage. My first wife
did not want a divorce, but eventually filed to protect herself. She was willing to
reconcile.
I foolishly refused to repent and did not fight the divorce.
I then
foolishly married my adultery partner.
She is also a Christian. She
divorced
her first husband after a string of adulteries.
He did not want the
divorce
and was willing to reconcile.
I know my
problem, for some time now, has been willful disobedience. I have sought and received forgiveness from
all who I sinned against, especially my first wife. She is not remarried or seeing anyone. I can't seem to get past what I did and feel
drawn to my first wife. I feel as though
I cannot completely repent as long as I'm married to my current wife.
My
current wife feels our marriage made everything right. She thinks we should stay married and work it
out. I know I'm forgiven, but I'm miserable.
Is there any hope of restoration in this life? Should I divorce again and try to win back my
first wife?
I've been
a real prodigal and I'm ready to do things God's way. Seems no matter what I do at this point someone else gets hurt.
Help!
Please pray for me! Any
suggestions/advice?
In
Christ,
J (Name
withheld)
7
CHURCH ENCOURAGING
UNFAITHFULNESS
I read
your essay about divorce and remarriage and found it to be
a very
helpful contrast to the popular ideas on this subject. I
am
currently struggling with this situation.
My wife left 19
months
ago and filed for, and received, a civil divorce. One of
the
things that really stood out in your article was the way that
scripture
has been twisted by a lot of people to seemingly allow
divorce
and remarriage.
My wife
started attending Divorce Care
meetings
within a month of leaving our home. It
seems that
somewhere
in the course is the idea that the "exception clause"
for
divorce can be further expanded to include just about any kind
of
misdeed that a spouse might commit.
It is a
very lonely and painful road to follow.
Almost everyone
tells me
to just get on with my life. That I am
justified in
seeking a
new relationship because she left me. Even
men who are
elders
in the church. My wife's father, who is an elder, seems
content
to just let things go the way they are.
It doesn't seem
that he
has any interest in trying to precipitate change.
I guess
one thing that I didn't mention is that we have a
daughter. She was 20 months old when my wife left. She is now
starting
to question what has happened. She asks
me if I can come
live with
her at her new house.
I
struggle daily to not just close my heart to my wife, to stay
open to
the possibility of reconciliation, but it seems so
hopeless. I know that all things are possible through
God and
that
there is no way for us to understand His plans or what He has
in store
for us.
Thanks,
M (Name
withheld)
8
DOCTRINES OF DEMONS
I am glad
to have found your site. A friend of mine and myself (who are both standing for
the restoration of our marriages to unbelievers who have or are committing
adultery) were searching for answers on remarriage. We felt it was not an
option for believers especially; but wholly not for anyone. Your site is so
helpful and informative.
I have
even had a minister say to me that "this is not the man for you. God has
someone else for you and your child. This man is unrepentant and will never
change." He told me that I needed to leave my marriage. I questioned how
one saved by grace could say that someone else is doomed and
unrepentant...anyway, thank you for your information and research.
I wish
more churches and Pastors would stand up and say "what thus says the
Lord" concerning marriage. And stop performing 2nd marriages and things
like that. I wish. One day...
Please
keep my husband and myself in your prayers.
<><
<>< <>< <>< <>< <><
SW (Name
Withheld)
9
LET THE WALLS FALL
DOWN
I just
wanted to send you a quick note to let you know that God is doing great things
through you. I read your site, just in
time. Satan had taken a hold of my mind
in letting me think that my unhappiness in my marriage was a product of
marrying the wrong person, when in fact it was just because I wasn't working
hard enough at it. I think that I was
just feeling a bit discouraged.
Reading
your webpage was a great eye opener.
Very humbling. Which was what I
needed to break down my stubborn walls.
I learned a great deal and wanted to say Thank You. I feel the Grace of God ready to work in me,
and you helped me to hear what God wanted me to hear all along.
God
Bless,
M (Name
Withheld)
10
HEART WRENCHING
DECISION TO FOLLOW CHRIST’S COMMANDS
Dear Mr.
Wilcox,
I came
across your website about The Restoration of Christian Marriage tonight. I was unwillingly divorced 13 years ago and
have for most of that time held to the position of no divorce and no
remarriage, but I just couldn't really explain why. Unfortunately my wife married the man she had
been having an affair with 12 years ago, but divorced him also last fall.
Within
the past 6 months I had changed my position on divorce/remarriage, but have
struggled with it. Also unfortunate is
the fact that I met a wonderful Christian woman, whose husband left her ten
years ago for another man and has been living in homosexuality ever since. (They were divorced about 9 years ago). We met via the internet about 6 months ago,
but have never met in person.
However, we have grown quite
close and I was planning to make a visit to meet her next month.
Within
the past 2 weeks the Lord has been convicting me and showing me what He really
says about divorce and remarriage, and by the way, it is exactly what you have
posted on your website. So I thank you
for having the courage to post that in spite of the fact that even most
Christians and churches will disagree with you.
I have
now severed my ties with the woman I told you about, but it has been a
heart-wrenching decision, since she of course does not see it the way I now
do….
Again, I
thank you for putting the truth out there like you have. God bless you!
Sincerely
in Christ,
GD (Name Withheld)
11
REPENTING OF
ADULTERY AND FINDING JESUS
Hi, thank
you for the get essay. My wife just
filed for legal separation, due to numerous infidelities on my part. I want to reconcile with her, but more
importantly, to repent of my sins and be forgiven by God.
Can you
tell me what (if any) scriptures (old or new testament) give clear direction on
exactly what I need to do to repent and
be forgiven of marital unfaithfulness?
Thank you
and Grace of God be with you.
CF (Name
Withheld)
12
hi my
name is (Name Withheld) and I have recently become Christian. Since then my
ex-girlfriend and I had begun talking again and have become engaged. I read
your website and it has really convicted me despite my trying to ignore it.
My ex is
divorced because her husband committed adultery she was Christian at the time
and did it in faith, sought council before hand. I have come to the conclusion
that there is no remarriage as your website and the Bible declares. Do feel
that would be forgiveness or any way to move on from this situation since she
did it in ignorance? As the Bible says that all things become new, the old is
passed away.
I am
looking for the truth not to justify my actions, I just want to rule out every
possibility before break the engagement with the woman I love. Thanx for doing God's work,
God Bless
(Name
Withheld)
13
SURPRISED BY
OVERWHELMING PEACE
Greetings
Stephen:
Tonight I
will be brief. Perhaps in the future I
will write more when I am
more
alert.
I have
not read your entire article on Christian marriage but I am excited
about
what I have read so far.
I have
been divorced for nine years. Recently,
a friend who doesn't claim to
be a
Christian but reads the Bible a lot and is searching for truth, challenged my
views on divorce and remarriage. I could
not honestly defend them in the face of his questions straight from the Bible.
I am so
grateful to you for bringing to light the teachings of the early
church
fathers. I am not a Greek scholar but I
do what I can to go back to
the
original language via a concordance. I was
surprised by an overwhelming peace when I looked at the scriptures only and set
aside man's interpretations.
As I did
this I by faith closed the gate a bit, so to speak, in this area. I say this
because I am beginning to see the that Church is all too eager to push open the
narrow gate a bit when it appears to us to be just TOO narrow. So, as I examined both sides of the issue it
became clear that God was leading me to a narrow place and not too many other
people are there. I feel as though I've
just awakened from a long dream that blinded me. An old Phil Keaggy
song, "Love Broke Through" keeps coming to mind.
I am
looking forward to a more thorough investigation your article. It has
brought
me great hope and comfort. I am hungry
for Truth in this area and it appears you have provided much valid
insight. Thank you. Can you imagine how long this email would
have been if I wasn't attempting to keep it brief?
Blessings
on you my friend,
KK (Name
Withheld)
14
FORGIVENESS AND
RESTORATION AFTER 22 YEARS OF STANDING ALONE
Hello,
I have
just read your very long message on divorce and remarriage. I have an interesting situation that I
request your thoughts on.
25 years
ago I got married to (Name Withheld). We
were together only 3 years before he wanted a divorce. We received counseling from our
pastor.....unfortunately the pastor himself was seeking a divorce and (I felt)
could not be objective. I held out, but to
no avail.
Not long
after our divorce he remarried....to the woman who was the attraction when he
left our marriage. I have never
remarried.
Over the
last 22 years we've remainded in contact and have,
periodically, had many extremely meaningful conversations.....those of repentence and forgiveness and depth.
About two
and a half years ago ****** contacted me again.
He and his wife had been seperated for almost
a year and she was proceeding with divorce. I thought I heard God speaking very
clearly to me about a future with *****, but I didn't share that with him. We agreed to not be in contact, as ***** was
needing to get through so much...and kept that commitment except when my father
(to whom ***** was very close) died. 6
months later we started some conversations that were wonderful for both of
us. We allowed ourselves to dream a bit
about having a future together.
Those
conversations were very deep for four or five months, but he wanted to back-off
(15 months ago) in order to get his relationship with God straight, and live
the correct priorities, and to not be influenced by his desires for a future
with me until his divorce was final, which was 10 months ago. Now he says he's
been reading the Word about remarriage and says that our relationship can't go
in the direction it was. I don't know if he means now or forever....we haven't
talked in detail yet.
Anyway.....?? I'm the woman he left. His 2nd ex is getting remarried in a couple
of months. What exactly do you think God
would say about he and I remarrying?
Thank
you,
K (Name
Withheld)
15
HEART TURNED TO REPENTANCE
AND RECEIVING A NEW MIND IN CHRIST
Thank you
for your passion for educating Christians about God's Word in regard to
marriage, divorce, and remarriage. I
find myself in the circumstance of needing this information.
My
husband and I married at age 19, 19 years ago.
Four years ago, I found out that he had an eight month long affair with
one of my "friends". I chose
to stay in my marriage because I did not want to be the kind of person, the
kind of Christian that had a hard-heart and could not or would not
forgive. I have been forgiven much,
should not I forgive others? My husband
was quite repentant and took whatever steps he could to restore the marriage. About 8 months ago, he informed me that he no
longer loved me, was in love with some one else (my best friend), but that the
two of them decided it was wrong to leave me for her. I was devastated and suffered a quite serious
depression.
I am
seeing a Christian counselor who frequently reminds me about spiritual battle
and Satan's plans for destroying my marriage.
My husband has chosen to stay married to me, but has emotionally left
and has put in several requests for changes to be made in the marriage. (Some needful and others selfish) I often feel like just following the way of
the world and simply leaving. My
counselor helps me keep my focus on God and His Word.
I found
myself seriously contemplating divorce again.
My mind justifies this well.
After all, he committed adultery once, and a second time in his heart. The scriptures permit me to leave. I'm not interested in remarriage anyway. So then I can be out from under this terrible
pain. I was going to look up scriptures
again, but instead looked online. I
found this website through a search engine.
It was wonderful to have all of the scriptures here in one place. The additional information of the teachings
of the early church fathers was helpful as well.
Because
of what I read here today, I will turn my heart in repentance to God once again
and ask Him to "renew my mind"; to not let God's work go because of
my own personal sadness. (which is what I have done) I know in my heart and the Spirit bears
witness to me that these things are true.
Just because the world has changed does not mean Christ has changed.
I will bookmark
this page to reference again when needed and to refer others to when
necessary. I will also send the address
to my counselor so he can refer others to it.
Thank you and may God
continue to bless you in your life and in your ministry.
DP (Name
Withheld)
16
CALLING FOR RETURN
OF BELOVED PRODICAL
Please be
in prayer for me as my husband left me and our 3 year old
daughter
Easter Sunday. I have not gave up on him
and still would like to
make
us a family but he is not willing to do
this. He says that he wants
a
divorce(but as far as I know he has not filed yet). He is living with a
buddy and
I am not sure if there is a female or not in his life yet.(He
says no;
that he missed up once and that he would not do that again).
Our 3
year old daughter having a real tough time with this because she is
daddy's
little girl. Also he doesn't call her
like he should and he has
only seen her once in the last 2 weeks. He was suppo