Marriage Divorce: The Restoration of Christian Marriage

MarriageDivorce

CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, REMARRIAGE & RESTORATION

Selected Emails
51-100

Please note: Some of the emails selected and published here have been edited to remove inappropriate details. An attempt has also been made to remove any material information that may identify persons by name or certain specific institutions. We regret that most emails we received cannot be published due to the large volume of correspondents. We appreciate each and every person who has written us. We praise God that hearts are being touched by truth. When you read these letters, please pray for those pouring out their hearts, as well for the countless millions who need Jesus Christ and His message, and have not heard, because no one would go and teach them…



51
GENERATIONAL EVIL IN THE HEART OF THE CHURCH

I have always believed that God hates divorce, but I was always one of those blinded Christians who thought that as long as there was adultery by one party, the marriage could be ended and the parties were free to remarry. How ever because of my own sin and lack of genuine fear of the Holy God, ( I now serve with all my heart mind and strength,)

I have found my self pleading my case before my husband that he might see the true repentance and changes God has made in my life, because he also believes that because of my unfaithfullness he should divorce me "before I do more damage to his life".

While I understand his hurt, and know that he is justified in his anger, I don't believe God’s will is for us to divorce. But my husband was raised in a "Bible believing church" that his father pastored. His father and mother are divorced because of her unfaithfulness, and yes his father is remarried to a woman who is also divorced.

My husband now faces the huge task of not only forgiving me and rebuilding our marriage, but in order to do that he has to see his fathers actions in the light of Gods word.

I guess I tell you all this to first thank you for standing up and speaking the truth but also to ask if you have any further advice or scripture or encouragement I could pass on to my husband.

Again thankyou and God bless

R (Name Withheld)

52
DIFFICULTY FINDING SAFE CHURCH THAT HOLDS TO TRUTH

I must say with you, AMEN!!!

The Lord spared our marriage. After about nine years of marriage things were getting a little rough, and rather than "packing it in", I broke before the Lord and begged Him for mercy, completely reliquishing my will, willing to do whatever He told me to do. He taught me about submission. It has been a very painful (almost) two years, but oh, has my family changed! We have learned to look at scripture literally, not explaining the uncomfortable things away, which lead us to leave our church of almost eight years.

After a period of fruitless church hunting, we home churched for awhile with another family… We have since begun visiting a local Mennonite church, where the doctrine you have upheld in your article is taught. They are the only ones (except for the Charity churches) who uphold this doctrine as far as I know.

During our church hunting days, we spent a couple of months with a house church which upholds this teaching. One of the main families was in this situation... and have separated. This was the first time we had to deal with this issue "where we lived" as this couple and their seven children were becoming very dear to us. They came to the Lord and accepted His will for their lives while pregnant with their last child, and what a beautiful testimony they have! It is very painful, as they obviously love each other more now than ever, but they are remaining true to the word and maintaining separate living situations.

We feel that home churching is kind of a last resort, mainly because we don't want to just cast ourselves adrift again. We need discipleship, and we don't really even know where to begin looking. Meanwhile, we are fellowshipping with the believers at at this tiny Mennonite church, most of whom are in our shoes…

Blessings and encouragement to you,

J (Name Withheld)

53
GENERATIONAL CURSE OF DIVORCE

I have read your essay on marriage, divorce, and remarriage. What is one to do when they find themselves in this situation? I am married to a man who has a living spouse. She is also remarried. 

If I divorce (legally), which he is opposed to, I have nowhere to reside except with family members who are also in this situation.

As a young girl, I attended church with my mother, father, and siblings. When I was twelve, my father left us for my mother's best friend who also attended the same church. We lost a family, my father lost a relationship with his children (as he does not seek one now), my mother lost a best friend, my father lost a best friend (as the other women's husband was his best friend), and we children lost our playmates (the children of the other women).

My father never seemed like a bad father. He didn't drink, smoke, cuss, lose his temper, or any other characteristic Christians deem ungodly. He took his family to church on a regular basis. When my mother discovered his adultery and divorced him, we no longer attended church.

My father no longer pursued any type of relationship with us. I was extremely devasted as I was a "daddy's girl" and I could not understand why our time together was no longer important to him. As of now, my father is still married to this women, my mother is remarried, my sister is married a third time (her first husband is still living, her second husband is deceased and she is now married for a third time.)

I have three beautiful children. I want to do what is right and best for them. Where do I go? All of these situations would not provide the example I want for them. I have no way of supporting myself and the children as I have not worked (outside the home) in eight years. I do not possess the necessary training needed to have a job that would support us. My "husband" will not consent to a divorce and he threatens to contest the divorce if I file. As you are probably aware, one must have legal grounds for divorce. Without a legal divorce, the children and I will have no means of financial help. If I leave without pursuing a legal divorce, he will force me, by law, to bring the children back.

The "church" is not a place I can turn to either as I cannot find anyone that agrees with dissolving a marriage for the reasons specified in your essay.

I am confused and I don't know where to begin.

Can you help me find direction????

Thanks, (Name Withheld)

54
MESSY SITUATION CAUSED BY SIN AND UNBELIEF

Hello. Our names are N******* and D*****. We have a friend whose name is Susanne. She dearly loves the Lord. She has been married twice and also divorced twice. Looking back now as a Christian, she believes her second marriage was adultery.

She was a Christian then I believe in that marriage, but due to problems with a violent and abusive husband, she divorced. (We do not know the whole story) She has no contact with her 1st husband but she does know he does NOT wish to see her.

Her 2nd husband she sees every 2nd weekend as she needs to drop off her children for a weekend access to their father. She is now trying to live her life pleasing to the Lord but is confused to her state now.

Is she bound to her 1st husband still? Her 2nd husband at times has mentioned reconciliation but she feels that would not be right. Also he does not seem to know or love the Lord. She asks which covenant is she under? We believe it is the first, but now she is divorced and her first husband does not want to see her, we believe she needs to remain single.

She has returned to her maiden name but feels strange being called Miss F.... when she has two children with her still. (Others have left home) She wears a gold ring on her finger as she does not want to look available. She says she is not sure of her identity.

We believe in Marriage till death do us part, though we are not used to these 'messier' situations that sin and unbelief cause. We are still searching the scriptures and your article on The Restoration of Marriage which we could also share with her.

I realise you must be very busy but we just wanted to know if you could give us any words of wisdom on her situation.

Thank you for your website and your work to exhort Christians to Biblical “Marriage Covenant” Theology.

With Christian Greetings,

(Names Withheld)

55
PASTOR’S WIFE STANDING FOR HER PRODICAL HUSBAND

Stephen,

Thank you for your website! It is encouraging to see that there are those who are choosing God's only way, not the world's way. It is by his grace, that we are able to follow his way. He does not require anything from us that he will not enable us to do it by His Spirit. I join with you in the prayer that Christians will have the scales from their eyes removed.

I have been standing for my husband (a former evangelical pastor) for almost 4 years now of separation. We are not divorced. It's easy to look at the length of time and get discouraged but God is not bound by that. I need prayer especially for this coming week as his young son and I will be seeing him (He has been living with another woman). I want God's love and Spirit to fill me totally.

Thank you for your prayers,

R (Name Withheld)

56
PRAY TO THE LORD OF THE HARVEST, TO SEND FORTH WORKERS

MY NAME IS C********,

THE DIVORCE WAS FINAL 03-13-01. MY WIFE FILED WHILE I WAS IN A RESIDENTIAL DRUG TREATMENT PROGRAM. SHE IS A YOUTH MINISTER. WE HAVE THREE SMALL CHILDREN. THEY ARE DEVASTATED!

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT! I HAVE BEEN SOBER AND SEEKING THE LORD FOR 18 MOS. I KNOW THERE IS HOPE. THE CHURCH SEEMS TO HAVE SOME AVERSION TO THIS "HIGHLY PERSONAL" (WHERE ELSE HAVE I HEARD THOSE TWO WORDS?) SUBJECT. MY WIFE IS OPEN TO COUNSELING.

PLEASE, CAN YOU REFER US TO SOMEONE WHO CAN OFFER BIBLICAL GUIDANCE? WE THANK YOU!!!

IN HIM,

C (Name Withheld)

57
PEOPLE USE ANY EXCUSE TO BREAK A MARRIAGE

Stephen,

I have read with interest and I agree with much of what you've said. I have spent much time the past year reading the Bible and many books on Christian marriage, both from a practical perspective and a theological perspective.

I believe that I have a pretty good understanding now of just what God's design for marriage is and what He expects from me. I know that there are many that would not agreed with your theology on marriage, they claim you're "legalistic". It has also been my experience that when someone doesn't like the message God brings to us then these same people are quick to call us legalists who believe in obedience to all of God's commands. I don't condemn those you have divorced no matter what the reasons. But I als0 don't believe all the reasons I hear as to why a divorce was "legitimate".

The comment I hear frequently from people who have divorced or are divorcing is that a loving God would not want me to remain in a marriage where I am not happy. That is true on the surface, but God's solution is to live by His will and make the necessary changes to change your marriage to what God designed it to be, not to bail out.

My prayers will be with you.

L (Name Withheld)

58
PRAYING, FAITHFUL AND BELIEVING STANDER

Please pray for my husband J***** and me. We have been married for a year and a half. 3 months ago he left me for another woman and her 3 kids. I am 6 months pregnant with our first child. He said a few weeks ago he knows he is wrong. That he is waiting for the lord to get him away from them.

I pray that the Lord will take ahold of J***** and guide him home where he belongs.

Thank you for your prayers.

S(Name Withheld)

59
DID NOT CONSULT SCRIPTURES, LIFE UNRAVELING

I am sending this e-mail in hope of a miracle. I have married a women who has been twice married before. I was never taught the scriptures in detail, nor had I sought them out. Now in a time of distress in my life and with the help of the information found on the Internet I have become more aware of the Lord's teachings.

I have just read all the scriptures on your web page. Some I've known and others I have just learned. I was unaware that marrying a divorced women, who's first husband is still alive, places me in sin as an adulterer. I had never been married and had no children. Now I have three boy's. Two of which our mine, identical twins, and the other a child from her first marriage. 

Through the grace of the Lord my children our happy and healthy. My wife is wanting a divorce and her independence back. I am willing to let her go, but my heart is hurting tremendously. My question to you is: if I shall let her go and I will, where is my ability to remarry if I wish and at what consequences do I face.

Am I held in the Lord's law under these circumstances? Am I to be held accountable for marring a women twice divorced who has brought me into this sin unaware of the sin I am committing? I may only be looking for an answer that will help me through this....but with everything going on in this world and all the sin present I may have already failed.

(Name Withheld)

60
HOPE GIVEN AS DIVORCE PAPERS SERVED

I love your website, it has given me hope. Although today was terrible, I just got served divorce papers. My spouse and I have been separated 52 days only and have not talked in person about any of this. He sent me a letter saying he didn't love me anymore and felt it was premature to marry me.

He has been online on a dating service, dating women, stating he is divorced. He is currently living with his parents.

Any type of correspondence is appreciated as is your prayers.

Much blessings,

(Name Withheld)

61
UNWILLINGLY BEING DIVORCED

Hi Stephen,

Just read your peice on restoration of Christian marriage. Good stuff. I am a Christian and going down the divorce road (unwillingly). Thanks for the truth.

S(Name Withheld)

62
ABOUT UNREPENTANT DIVORCED AND REMARRIED

Dear Sir,

I applaud your articles regarding divorce and remarriage, and I have concluded the same myself.

However, you do not make it clear as to the present status of those who are presently divorced and remarried, and what they must do to repent.

In refering to Ezra, and the Jewish men abandoning those illegitimate marriages, are you indirectly implying that this must be done in order for those who have divorced and remarried to repent?

What I have concluded from my own study and reflection on adultery is that no unrepentant adulterers shall inherit the kingdom of God (I Cor 6:9, 10; Gal 5:19-21; Heb 13:4). This means that any who do not forsake their adulterous marriages and remarriages are no more on their way to heaven and are saved than unrepenatant fornicators, idolators, murderers, theives, sodomites, drunkards etc.

Please share your conclusions according to scripture to me, and state whether or not you agree with the conclusion I adhere to regarding these unrepentant divorced and remarried adulterers.

God Bless You,

D(Name Withheld)

63
A COVENANT IS A COVENANT IS A COVENANT

Hello,

By the grace of God, I am 25 years into a wonderful marriage with the wife of my youth. We have two growing children, 19 and 17, and they are convinced of the sanctity of the marriage covenant as my wife and I are. Obviously, this poses no small challenge to them, as they are quite aware that our is a minority, though Biblically correct, position. We do have a few families of friends who are likeminded on this issue, and that has been a real blessing to us throughout the years.

As I mentioned, I am in the process of discussion with two pastors, ours and a sister church's pastor, about the permanence of marriage. I do not, in any way, wish to demean them, as I believe them both to be wise and Godly, yet - on this issue - to be at variance with the preponderance of Scripture, if studied carefully. Pray for my humble and studied, convincing presentation of the Scriptures which bear upon these most important doctrines, as we discuss them later this year.

When people ask me if I believe in divorce, I tell them "Yes, I do." I believe it happens, but I do not believe it should. It's the same as saying I believe in adultery, or murder. Even more, however, is that I do believe that there is the Biblical right to a divorce. We must accept this as a fact, because our Lord preached about it. But, He never intimated that divorce was permissible after a legal marriage had been consummated. For years, I believed that the "porneia" of which is spoken in Matthew referred to betrothal unfaithfulness, and could result in the dissolution of the betrothal agreement, which required a divorce for such dissolution. Recently, as I've more thoroughly studied the words "porneia" and "moichea", I am relatively firm in a slight variant in this consideration.

I now believe, after literally weeks of writing out and saying the Matthean passages over dozens of hours, that the most consistent rendering which harmonizes both the Old and the New Testament passages concerning marriage is the following. "Porneia" is the fraudulent representation of virginity, discovered on the wedding night. So, it is a betrothal violation of sorts, but discovered on the wedding night. This allows for Deuteronomy 22:13 ff to be consistent, and reads sensibly in all the OT and NT marriage passages.

The single most important foundation for the permanence of marriage is not the Matthean exception clauses, obviously, but the understanding of what a covenant is. Without the covenantal foundation, nothing else matters. A covenant is a covenant is a covenant. God, as the sovereign, made a covenant relationship with my wife and me, as the other party, at our wedding. It is His covenant, not ours, in the same way that salvation is His covenant with us, it is not ours. That is why I cannot lose my salvation, because it is not mine to lose. In the same fashion, I cannot invalidate my covenant of marriage, because it is not mine to do so. God could, conceivably, invalidate the covenant, but He does not do so, for He is a covenant keeper, not a covenant breaker. Man, though he be a covenant breaker, cannot invalidate the covenant, as it is not his to do so with. If man could end a covenant, then our salvation is never secure, and all the security of which the Scriptures assure us are lies.

Covenant is a unilateral relationship established by a sovereign and imposed upon a vassal, in which there are blessings for obedience, and curses for disobedience. If, by transgressing the terms of the covenant (for example, by adultery in a marriage covenant), the covenant were ended, then there would be no penalty phase. The covenant would simply be over. Hence, a covenant cannot be ended by the transgression of the terms of the covenant. Simply, the transgressors put themselves under the curses of the covenant, rather than under the blessings.

OK, Stephen, I guess I did wax a bit longer here than I'd intended. But, this is a bit of the flavor and the passion with which I view the Christian defense of marriage.

Until later, May God add His blessing to our communications, and may they be a blessing to Him and to us.

(Name Withheld)

64
NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHY SHE IS STANDING

Please pray for the restoration of my marriage. The divorce was final in February and he bought the house from me. Since I have not been able to find anything I could afford, I am still living in the same house with him and our children. I never wanted this and believe the Lord can restore my marriage. I just feel so alone. 

I have no one here that understands why I am standing for my marriage.

B(Name Withheld)

65
“RELIGIOUS” DILEMMAS COME INTO PLAY – CHURCH CRIPPLED BY CONFUSION

Stephen,

Let me first start out by saying thank you. I was absolutely blown away by your paper titled "The Restoration of Christian Marriage A Call For Repentance and Reformation." I just finished reading it for the second time tonight…

In your paper you clearly state that divorce and remarrying is against God's will. But as it was explained to me God does permit divorce, (but does not insist on divorce) for a sexual affair freeing the vicitimized spouse from committing adultery. Also it was explained to me in 1 cor 7:15, that divorce is permissible if the unbelieving spouse leaves. Which after reading your paper I can clearly see that divorce is not even mentioned in that passage. It states let him/her leave, but not get a divorce. Separation only. Paul was confirming what God's law was in 10 and 11. Let them return that hopefully the Christian spouse could lead their unchristian spouse to the Lord…

I will soon be approaching 31 next month. My wife and I were married in 95 and we separated for the second time in 2000. It was my idea both times to separate. The divorce quickly took place in with my wife completing and filling for the divorce. We have no children…

Now, a little about the marriage. During pretty much the whole marriage I did not show respect towards her, I did not appreciate some of the things she did, and I took a lot of things for granted. Basically it was all about me, then what ever came next whether it was her, God, friends, sports, or work. Now don't get me wrong we were able to get along great at times and usually really enjoyed each other. But I honestly think it was that affair (that I look back now and see how I was deceived) that really affected my way of thinking throughout the whole marriage. I always felt that there was something else better out there. WRONG - deception…

Now here is where all the religious dilemmas come into play. My wife who at one time told me to watch my mouth when I said the word "sh*t" (excuse the grammar) and asked if I would say that in front of Jesus, has said that she felt that God wanted us to get a divorce and has asked God for forgiveness for it. She feels that she is justified because I committed adultery and I was a none-believer when I left. I have truly confessed and repented of my sins the day that I let the Lord into my life. I have even shared this with her and I have personally apologized to her for who I was and all the wrong that I did.

I have also shared with her scriptures regarding just about everything that you did in your paper and even more (Jeremiah 3: 6 - 14 God's reconciliation to Israel). But she is really caught up in this person she is seeing who she claims is a devout Christian. (However I know they are having a sexual relationship.)

Now that I am saved I see Satan's hand in this whole thing. How he deceived me before and during our marriage. How he deceived us into getting a divorce, how he is deceiving her in this new relationship. Like you said Satan hates marriage and loves divorce and I feel that he is still keeping us from getting together. I have tried to explain these things to her, but it is coming from me and she won't listen. I guess the hardest thing about this is, it is her, this girl who did anything to make our marriage work is now doing these things. I know she prayed for me and our marriage. I feel that God has answered her prayers, but they were on His time not hers. Just like 1 Peter 3: 1,2.

Now here is what angers me. I did speak to the pastor of our church. I told him the things I did. I have expressed my desires to be with her again and he confirmed it all with me even when we prayed together. About a month later she went to see him and I think his story changed a little. I believe that he is trying to save his congregation because her mom has been divorced in the distant past. Her mom even confronted him in church asking if he had called her daughter an adulterer and bad mouthed me a little to him. She does have a mouth on her and can spread some good stuff if you know what I mean? So I think that he was walking on egg-shells talking with my wife. Now when this guy she is seeing comes into town she is taking him to church…

I know that I just dumped a whole lot of info on you and I am just curious to your opinions on the adultery issue based on my situation. Is she correct? The adultery issue isn't even really what prompted her to go through with the divorce it was just the fact that she couldn't see things changing. Which I now know is wrong, because if we would of turned this over to Jesus we would still be married. I have even explained to her about forgiveness and how Jesus preached reconciliation. Won't listen. Satan has got her with this deception. Satan will deceive us with the things that we most desire at that preset time. "angel of light" I know what the Bible says and believe that God hates divorce, but does she biblically have a way out?

If you have made it this far thank you so much for taking the time for reading and responding to my questions.

God bless,

(Name Withheld)

66
CHURCH GETTING HIT FROM ALL SIDES – DESPERATE FOR ENCOURAGEMENT

Greetings:

So glad to see that you have taken the time to inform people on the truths of this doctrinal issue. Our small country church just has suffered a terrible split over this very issue. Another issue is that the people don't believe they need to be under authority(pastor). They have started their own home church. Sad to say we have lost all of our musical talents which were quite tremendous for a small church.

Our pastor & his wife & family of 6, have suffered much. There remains less than a dozen of us to stand behind our pastor. They have put up their house for sale & feel that maybe it is time to move on. If they do, our church will probably fold unless God by divine intervention does something miraculous.

It is very disheartening to say the least. If you have a word of encouragment for us, please feel free to e-mail me & I will pass it on to the others.

Your sister in The Lord,

B(Name Withheld)

67
BEING CONVICTED OF REMARRIAGE – NEEDS STRENGTH TO GO BACK HOME

I remarried 1 year ago after ending a 13 year marriage that went "bad". I am Saved, since 1992 and baptized, but I didn't start living for Christ until a few months ago, after making a bad job decision (among many other things), I accepted a job that I knew God didn't answer me about. I knew from the 1st day and I told God I was tired of trying to do things my way, that I submitted my life totally to Him and wanted Him to take complete control of my life. Praise be to God, He heard my cry and within a few weeks, He, without a doubt, blessed me with a terrific job!

After this, I asked God to cleanse me. Well, He has been chastising me for MANY thingS concerning my remarrying. He showed me how he sent several people to tell me what I was about to do was wrong, but my heart was harden and once again I chose to "fix" the situation myself. He's made me realize that in both marriages, I put my faith in man, not Him. He also showed me that I am very much in love with my 1st husband (I thought I wasn't, but it turns out, I was very angry with him, and if I had been connected to God and lifted my marriage up to Him, He would have fixed it).

Now, after months(about 2 months) of Lord's "whipping" me for my lack of trust/faith and disobedience (remarrying), I come to realize that I loathe this recent marriage, it really makes me sick (physically, I get nauseous and can hardly stand to be in the apartment when he is home) and my heart is leading me (even though I'll be talked about and laughed at) to dissolve this marriage and return to my 1st husband, who has forgiven me and wants to reunite our family.

My current husband is a nice man and a hard worker. He asked me about a month ago what was wrong with me and I told him I was being chastised, that maybe we should have waited before we got married, because I now know that I am still in love with my 1st husband. He said that I need to leave the past in the past and move on. I guess that is/was easy for him to say, he's not the one being whipped and carrying around the title of an adultress (Romans 7:1-3). A few weeks later, I also showed him several articles with supporting scriptures basically stating what we had done was wrong.

The articles (some almost took my breath away) also said that one could repent and be forgiven for an unscriptural marriage, but as long one continues in that marriage, their repentance is in vain. He read the articles and said everything that I read pertains to this marriage, and this is consider my first marriage and we can't be held accountable for what we didn't know and if I left or returned back to my 1st husband that woud be the worst thing in the world for me to do... my Spirit however does not agree...

I've talked to several Christians, including my Pastor who all say pretty much the same thing; that it "hard" to find a hardworking man and I should honor my present vows, that I made a new covenant with God... or that if my 1st husband was not "available", would I still feel the same way. I've tried, but something is not right in my spirit and I keep feeling sick (looking directly at my sin daily).

I have repented, begged God's forgiveness and I believe that He has forgiven me. I just don't know what to do... I want to be in God's Will, I want happiness for my children and me, I want the peace and joy to come back in my home and in my inner self,...

I want to have God pleased with me...

(Name Withheld)

68
A FAITHFUL CHURCH ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS

Stephen,

Our congregation has always taken a strong stand against divorce and remarriage and continues to do so. At the current time a particular young family wishes to become members. They have been attending our church for eight years and have been active in Sunday school teaching, committees, foreign missions projects, etc. The husband regrets the divorce caused because his wife chose to leave him. He remarried and established a Christian home with his current wife. They have three children and are sincere in teaching them to honor and fear God.

How should we advise this family, since they obviously want to live for the Lord? Should they leave each other and live separately? What should be done about the children?

I have one more question. Our congregation is becoming divided over this issue. Do you attend a congregation where everyone is of the same persuasion as you, or are the saints of your church able to work together even through differences? A fairly quick response would be most helpful. Thank you.

In Jesus,

C (Name Withheld)

69
IDENTIFIES THE FALLING AWAY PROCESS

Dear Mr. Wilcox,

Thank you so much for your webpage. I still have a question.

First you say that Jesus said"divorce ONLY when "porneia"(which is unfaithfullness during the betrothal period.") Then in the page concerning the early church fathers, you state that they all say "in last consequence divorce is allowed when adultry if there is no other way." So what , in your opinion, did Jesus say?

I believe myself that the allowance to divorce when adultery will always be used to divorce. Who shall define the "degree" of adultery when it is allowed to divorce? Only a clear "no" to divorce when adultery can lead to a firm behaviour from the innocent part (and I am sure that often, especially today, there is no innocent part, because we sin in our disobedience to God, wifes because they do not submit, Men because they refuse to take resposibility and be the authority of the home a.s.o. This wrong behaviour leads to tensions. The tensions leads to the death of the lovefeelings in the flesh. when the lovefeelings in the flesh die, the sinful flesh looks for somebody else to satisfy its needs. Then again the flesh behaviour of the"innocent" part(who now believes he /sheis justified by the adultrous behaviour) drives the "sinner" even further away.

Please, if you have the time, I would be so glad to become an answer.

Greetings from Germany

(Name Withheld)

70
CHURCH NEEDS TO KNOW WHICH WAY TO GO

I am writing to ask you for some help. My Church went through a division. We have had a pastor search team for two years looking for a pastor. They have a candidate for us to view and meet. The problem is that this man has been divorced and is now remarried.

Our first pastor who left our church was a Jewish man who was divorced before being a Christian and everyone just says oh it happened before he was a Christian. I have questions to all of this. The minute the question is raised about divorce everyone says it was not their fault, who then is at fault? If you have some scriptures or information to pass along I would appreciated it. We need help to know what way to go -- it has to be the biblical way without people saying that the enemy is trying to stop something.

(Name Withheld)

71
STANDING FOR HER MARRIAGE AGAINST INTERNET INDUCED ADULTERY AND DIVORCE

My husband and I have been separated nearly 10 months now. He has met a woman on the net, she has been over here slept with him and met one of our children. He says she is a wonderful woman and that he loves her etc… I have not agreed to him having a divorce, but it will only be a matter of time before he can get it without my agreement.

I long to have my marriage restored, but I don't want to go back to how it was, him hitting me, me being nasty because he hit me. So I guess what I am asking for is total restoration of our marriage. My husband is, I think the term is a wayward Christian. I long for him to come back to the Lord, because that is the only way he will find true happiness and fullfillment.

We have been married 13 yrs, and together since I was 11 yrs old, I have been totally faithfully through my marriage, and I love my husband dearly. My heart is aching for him to come home to me and our kids, I feel like a part of me is missing.

I want him home with me and the kids so badly, I need lots of prayer to let me know this is God will to restore our marriage.

(Name Withheld)

72
NEEDS PRAYER AND A MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER WITH GOD

Hello,

I am seeking counsel because I am unsure what to do now. Bottom line is this: I feel that my spouse's love is gone. It is just more economically sound for him to remain with me now because we have two children, and one on the way. He seems miserable and to watch him so because of me is very difficult.

I have made him unhappy in a number of ways: 1) I made him feel like I did not trust him when it comes to dealing with his ex-fiancee (they had one child together -- a son). Their son comes to visit us during the summer and the child and I get along most of the time. I know he loves all his children but to be honest, I feel our children should come first and foremost because they were conceived and raised in our marriage, under God. Now there were times in the past when he got angry, he said mean, hurtful things regarding this woman with whom a relationship and was to marry. I felt like I was competing with her (while he said no, I felt yes). Now we have communicated about these points but

I guess it comes down to thinking his fidelity when things go bad. What does a wife do when her husband communicates to her that he has thoughts and feelings of being with another woman, his ex or hex?? he has many adulterous thoughts. Is it lawful, under God, to let go of him before he commits adultery?

Thanks for listening.

(Name Withheld)

73
EXAMPLE OF CONFUSING OWN ROMANTIC FEELINGS WITH GOD’S WILL

Greetings .... Mr. Wilcox,

I just finished reading your article on the "Restoration of Christian Marriage". I must tell you after seeking the advice of Pastors, Counselors, scholars, etc., and now reading your article, in doing what I thought to be the right thing in God's sight, I now feel that I have done a very bad thing.

I met my ex-husband in college. We dated for yrs on and off with many break ups, sometimes 2-3 yrs at a time. We finally decided to get married so that we would stop breaking up all the time. Back then, during marriage counseling, the pastor told us as long as we were planning on getting married, we knew what we needed to do. He never said to move out. After a year of living together and many arguments, we decided to still get married. In addition, our families kept asking us when we were getting married and my "clock" was running out.

We decided to get married for all of the above reasons. Never once did we decide because the earth shook or the sky had fireworks, or even because of an undying "Love" for each other. We just decided to do it because that's what was expected. Well.....3 months into the marriage, I went to my Pastor at that time and asked for an annulment because I thought it was a mistake. He told me to go back home and work on it. It was an adjustment period and I had to get use to it. A year later, I still had the same feelings. My spouse had no regards for my feelings. Sex was not appealing to me with him because of his physical demands. We had no communication. Trust became an issue, deceit, lies, etc., and then I found out I was pregnant.

Many problems occurred within the marriage, including adultery. Now with a child of our own, I decided to try and make this marriage work by suggesting counseling to my spouse. He refused to attend and said he didn't need anyone to tell him how to run his marriage. Problems continued and grew increasingly worse… I had enough and asked for a separation. My spouse told me if we separated, he wanted a divorce. I said okay. I vowed that I would never marry again. The effects of going through that marriage was very emotional and draining to the point of affecting my health.

Well, by the Grace of God, I was able to re purchase another house, get a promotion in my employment, my son is doing extremely well, and lastly, I met a man who has been nothing but wonderful to my son and I for the last 3 years. This new gentleman joined my church, became Baptized, prays with us, provides for us, and professes his love everyday. Not only that, but the earth moves, the stars sparkle, the fireworks go off, and I can truly say for the first time in my life that I AM IN LOVE. He purposed marriage to me (on one knee) in the presence of my son and my family over a year ago.

One of the things we constantly talked about was making it right in the sight of GOD. We wanted our union to be blessed and not to sin against GOD. This time, we both know it is real. Our meeting came at a time when we both were not looking and had chosen separate paths for our future. He too, was married when he was 19 because his wife became pregnant. It was the right thing to do back then. They divorced yrs ago.

We look forward to living the rest of our lives together. This time we feel it is for the right reasons. You see, God definitely had a hand in our meeting. His divine intervention allowed us to meet under circumstances that just should not have been. I pulled out and was leaving the scene without ever seeing, talking, or even showing any interest in him. It's a long story.

Anyway, to make everything right in the sight of God, we became husband and wife on July 3, 2002. We are so very happy. We're working hard to pull both of our homes together and to start a new life. My son, although he still visits with his Dad, is extremely happy about our union.

However, after reading this article, I now feel like I have committed the most horrible sin of all in trying to make everything right and feeling that God has joined this union together. So now, do I go back and have this marriage annulled because it's a sin? In my previous marriage a Pastor once said to me: Some marriages are not joined together by God as he referred to the passage "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder." So therefore, if God didn't join it together, it wasn't supposed to be together in the first place.

I read your article. I read the scripture. But I also believe that God knows my heart, I've confessed my sins on several things. However, am I to ask for forgiveness for trying to make things right before God?

Help me understand this.

Awaiting your reply.

Sincerely,

S (Name Withheld)

74
PASTOR’S WIFE: “HIS WRONG DOES NOT JUSTIFY A WRONG BY ME”

It's nice to read that some people still believes in Scriptural Guidance and God's Authority. I'm sorry to write that I've witnessed, as we all have, so many betrayals (supposedly in the name of God) of spouses, these days. I've married a minister of the gospel, only to discovering he covets, beats, lies, cheats, steals, abandons, hides, and.... yet ministers 'the faith' (without his wedding ring on, no less) with dreamt up "justification" for the abuse he's offered me and our vow. He even hit me (knocked me out) with his fist though I've a broken neck resulting in a cracked vertebrate and yet one more herniated disc, then he ran away to "minister" in ******. Haven't seen him for months, but receive semi-regularly emails belittling me. We've only been married two years. Amazing. As such, all my friends and family advise me to divorce. As such, some Priests I've spoken with advise me to get it "annuled."

Yet I believe his wrong would not justify a wrong by me. As you noted, (paraphrased) the husband and wife are One so is it not, then, my duty to love my husband though he betrays? to remain faithful though he does not? to keep my vow though my husband has not? for I cannot hold carelessness of my matrimonial vow as justified simply because my husband does so.

Though I am sorrowed by his choices, I just cannot believe in bailing on vows before God. Two wrongs, surely, do not make a right. What do you think? Am I correct? And I only ask for I am truly so sorrowed and also becoming rejected by loved ones (Christians, most) for my (they call it) "strictness of faith."

I wish to inspire my loved ones, not be rejected by them. Thank You for whatever you may offer me. I admit, I am confused.

Peace to You and to Yours.

(Name Withheld)

75
“HOW DO I FORGIVE…I WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN”

I have been married for 18 years it has been hard , my husband walk out on all of us. we had 6 children ,all through the years he had addiction, drugs porno stealing lying ect much hurt this is our 3 seperation. he was or is a beliver, Ialso found out he has been involved with another women for a long time, we are all heart broken I feel like a fool I always forgave him and it was like for what he ende up leaving , he never see his children , Iam sad because it is like he get away with all this ,I know have to start my life all over go to school ect. because of my love for jesus.

Iam loney .but would never disobey the Lord,here my husband is happy no bills no responisble no any thing how ddo I forgiv and move on my childre have been so hurt and I feel so used I love jesus with all of my heart it seems like the more i serve him the more my life is in pain. some times i have afew glasses of wine because this is so sad. oh well how do I forgive and move on I want to go to heaven.

(Name Withheld)

76
THE NAME OF CHRIST SMEARED

My husband and I are going through a divorce right now. I am a non-christian but married to a christian man. I am trying to work towards restoration but he has refused.

He has come to me and said he does want to reconcile but then he changes his mind. I believe he is being influenced by his family. He is currently living with his mom. We have a 3 month old daughter and he has a son from a previous marriage.

Please pray for our marriage. Also, that is family that claim to be Christians will start ministering the word of god.

His name is (Name Withheld).

thank you

(Name Withheld)

77
GOD HAS SHOWN HIM THE TRUTH

Currently my wife and I are separated as of approximately 18 months ago. God has shown me error in divorce and has opened my eyes to that...I pray his will for my marriage everyday. My wife lives out of state from me and has a new life, house etc...and wishes to carryout a divorce.

Please pray God's will for my marriage.

Thank you.

(Name Withheld)

78
FORMER PASTOR REPENTS OF REMARRIAGE AND PLEADS FOR GOD’S MERCY – BLESS HIM LORD!

Dear Bro Wilcox,

I have just read your paper on the Restoration of the Christian Marriage. God has spoken directly to me through this work. I know that I have sinned before God. I have been married, divorced my wife, and since have been remarried to a divorcee. God has blessed my first wife and I with four beautiful children. I have been married to my present wife for the past six years. God has not let me rest one peaceful night in this marriage. My conscience has been scorched all these years. I know that I need deliverance. My life has been in bondage. My heart has been heavy.

I felt in my heart of heart that something was wrong but most of the Ministers that we have gone to have sugar coated my burden and said that God has sanctioned the second marriage. My first wife is a dedicated Christian and strongly believes that marriage is for keeps. She is strongly opposed to divorced. I commited some of the most despicable acts. I requested for divorce when she was pregnant with our last child. She was obedient to me as a husband and gave me my selfish desire. Oh how selfish and sinful an act.

I have never felt good or shameless about this marriage. This is why I have not introduced my second wife to my family. What makes matters worse, I have attended two Seminaries for ministerial studies and had to discontinue them because of my degradation and sinful life. I was ashamed and felt dirty and unworthy to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ to a sin sick world. I need help.

I am convicted and convinced that I need to honor my first marriage. If my first wife does not wish to have me back, I believe that God will want me to live a celebate life. I need contact with my children. I need to be the priest in the home that he desires me to be. After reading such clear account of the unadulterated Word of God of this very important subject, I am ready to yield to God and be totally obedient to His Word. This is the clearest biblical teaching that I have ever received on this topic.

Could you please give me guidance and direction as to where and how to go from here. I want to restore my home. This is the first time I have divulged so much of my personal life to someone. I did it because I am led by God to do so. God knows that I have been searching for a very long time. I am wary and tired of running. I have tried to get out of my present relationship on three occasions. She has always pursued me and needed financial assistance. This I know must stop. Please help me!

I am awaiting your response. I need guidance as to how to approach my present wife who is not my wife in God's eyes.

Thanks,

(Name Withheld)

79
Pleading for Righteousness

Brother Steve,

Powerful exhortation on these two messages! I am going to record them and also send out the link to some people that I have been in contact with. There were dozens of Scriptures that came to mind while you were pleading from the Word. Thank God you defined what 'true' repentance really is (confess & forsake). Many of the 'wolves' in sheeps clothing are consistently "turning the grace of our Lord into a license for immorality" on a consistent and persistent basis. God has so wonderfully used the metaphor of Marriage to show the picture of who is true bride is. Not someone that has taken 'another' until Christ returns, but one who has forsaken all others and "purified themselves just as He is pure." The sad part is how far the "church" has fallen,
as you mentioned so strongly.

Not only do people refuse to avoid lawful practices for the sake of their brother or sister, but they sin presumptuously and with contempt in the name of "liberty." If that isn't treating the blood of our precious Lord as an "unholy thing", I don't know how this world, and the so-called "church" could do any worse to shove it in Gods face. They are defiling His divine order of being (One flesh marriage till death), and deceitfully proclaiming that a Holy God doesn't mind because He "loves you so much". What did Jesus suffer and pour out His blood for? Are people so deluded, and reprobate, as to claim that this is the 'salt' and 'light' of a "peculiar people, zealous for good works" that Jesus is willing to claim as His own? We are trying to force the Bridegroom to unite Himself to a practicing harlot that claims to have been rescued from the very practice. I sure can't claim to be deserving of faithfulness from my wife, but Jesus sure can…The fear of the Lord has departed from the earth for the most part, and love is growing cold. We must endure and overcome for the Glory of God. Jesus is worthy of our very life.


Blessings.

(Name withheld)

80
THE FOG OF SIN AND DECEIT

If when one becomes "Born-again" the old person and/or spirit is dead, is not the one who disregards God's words also spiritually dead?

If a woman has an abortion, leaves her three children and husband, and lives with another man, while still married, is any part of her spiritually alive? What of a woman who was molested as a child, raped and beaten by her first husband, came to the marriage ceremony after drinking champagne, moved out after three months to be with her ex-boyfriend and refused to follow the laws of church discipline by bringing any of the issues to the church? It was through relatives and friends I learned all she kept secret. Both women were alcoholics. I did not divorce either. The second, was in fact, attracted to a woman who "was so spiritual", yet this "pastor" refused to meet before any governing church body after falsely accusing me of adultery. These women are spiritually dead.

Two pastors whose churches she attended tried to reason with her. Each said the marriage should not stand since it was not

based on truth nor was she of a psychological state that she could marry with reason.

Where do I stand?

(Name Withheld)

81
A PLEA FOR HELP

I found your website and found it a calling from God. It's amazing how and when he calls me to seek him. It's been 2.5 weeks and I have no one to talk to about my situation. My husband has been lying and deceiving me for quite some time. I learned everything and I forgave him. Now we are seeking counseling but I don't think he's very interested. It's just to keep me happy. He says he's been in fear of me and couldn't fess up for years.

We are meeting w/our Pastor tomorrow but I need personal guidance. Please pray for me. My attitude has changed toward him and he's willing to give me a chance but again, i think it's because he wants to 'try' to work things out. There is someone else in his life that he went running to and she wants him to divorce me. He promised her he would but she has to wait for him. I read all his emails and he still lied to my face. Right now he was due home 2 hours ago and nowhere to be found. Please help.

My emotions are screwing me up even more and he's not appreciating that either. More than anything he needs to confess to the Lord and come clean. Please pray for that. He needs to be honest w/himself. Now he's saying he's psychologically damaged because of me and the fear I instilled in him. What? I had no idea he felt that way.

Any feedback you have will indeed help my situation. For I have none.

(Name Withheld)

82
A YOUNG HUSBAND PLEADS FOR HELP FROM GOD TO RESTORE HIS WIFE TO HIM

My wife has separated from me a couple of weeks ago and says taht she doesn't think that she can ever love me again. I had not been there for her in love's sense in most ways throughtout our 2 and a half year marriage. I am 21 and she is 19, almost 20. A little boy on and a half and another one on the way. Whatcan and should I do. I understand to seek the Lord Jesus. She doesn't currently want counseling or anything. Course she's moved out. So many people are saying that she is just using me to get thorough this time and will divorceme anyhow. That if she won't make any steps, that I shouldn't sign the lease on this apartment, which of course would mean she couldn't get it and would have to wait longer for it , and that's where the threats began. That I should let continue to trust the Lord and get on with my life.

I can't decide. I want for this to work, but I am having a hard time trying so hard and doing everything while she says she feels free and seems to be enjoying it I want her back so badly, more than anything. I have begun personal counseling, I know that she needs it too, and definitely together we could use it also.

What should I do?

(Name Withheld)

83
YOUNG WIFE PROMISES HUSBAND SHE WILL REMAIN FAITHFUL EVEN THOUGH HE HAS LEFT

Hi,

I am 25 five year olds and I have been married for almost two years. My husband just told me does not have any feelings for me as a wife. He does not have another woman, he is not homosexual, and does not beat me.

We actually really have never had a fight not even verbal. After 6 months of marriage he stopped telling me that he loved me and I will ask why and he would not say, I constantly felt rejected and hurt. To make story short, My husband left the house on May 10 of this year, it has been over a month now.

I have cried like I have never thought I would cried, my heart literally hurts, even my bones, I feel like part of me has died. He saids that he is not thinking about divorced for now but that separation is the best thing now because he has no feelings for me. He cares he said but not as a wife. I told him I do not believe in divorced and that I still love him. I told him that I would be faithful to him even though he has left, I told him that I would never deny a divorced to him but I would never ask for it. I would not spend a penny on it.

I will remain faithful to him because he is my husband no matter how much he has hurt me, Wow, there is so much to say. Everyday I cried and I thank God for him, I gave taken the attitude of thanking God and praying for him. I confess victory and hope in God knowing that God knows my heart. I have taken this marriage seriously and I will remain this way. I asked my husband what have I done so many times, what have I not done as a wife and his answer is NOTHING, you are a great wife, and any man will be blessed by having you,

Oh, I can just keep on and on, Please pray for us, I am hurting and I do not think anyone can imagine what I am going through, I am so tired of weeping overnight, I am hurting, deeply. Please help me by thanking God for my marriage. I believe God has heard my prayer and He knows I do not agree with divorce. Now I just thank God for our marriage and our home, we have no kids, but I even thank God for the kids we do not have yet, I am using my faith in Him, believing and seeing that is has been done.

I know that someday I will write back and testify what God has done in our marriage. Please pray for us. I hope one day I could be a blessing to other marriages by sharing my whole true story.

(Name Withheld) (female 25 years old (Christian))

Thanks for reading this.

84
CHRISTIAN DESPERATE FOR HELP – HUSBAND GONE

my husband is gone. He has moved in with another women. I am desperate for help we are christians, my husband told me he has given up

(Name Withheld)

85
GOD OPENING EYES OF REMARRIED CHRISTIAN – THOUGHTS RETURN TO HUSBAND

Good Morning my name is ******* and I am a Christian who has remarried and find myself regretting that step. My new husband who I thought was walking with God in fact didn't have a relationship at all.

Even though he went and still does go to church he really isn't a strong Christian and I feel that I have made a huge mistake by remarrying. My former husband who isn't a Christian has now broken away from the woman that he left me for. I know that it would be wrong to pray for God to break up this marriage but it just feels so wrong.

What do I do??

(Name Withheld)

86
LIVING BY FAITH

Hello,

I am *******, and I am standing for my marriage. My husband and I were totally out of communication until 3 weeks ago. He finally sent me 2 emails… (one each week). Although you have to truely read between the lines to see how badly he is hurting and blaming himself, he said he was not wanting restoration....

I know GOD is in total control, and OUR marriage IS Already restored, my Husband just doesnt know it yet...........

I am I guess looking for support everywhere right now…

Please keep us in your prayers

God Bless You

(Name Withheld)

87
FAMILY NEEDS PRAYER AND CHRISTIAN INTERVENTION

Hello,

My name is ******* and I have been married for 11 years. I have 2 beautiful daughters that are about to find out that my wife and I will no longer be together.

For the pass several months my wife tried to alert me that she was very unhappy in our relationship and I was to deaf to hear her cries. Now because of my immaturity and lack of understanding she has confessed to me that she is no longer in-love with me. She has numb feelings toward our relationship.

I am trying everything that I can think of to prevent this disaster and I need lots of help. Can you help me? The fact is that my family means everything to me. I do not see us any different. I have realized all the mistakes that I have made but she doesn't believe that, I would give the world for my wife and kids.

thank you,

(Name Withheld)

88
THE HOLY SPIRIT CONVICTING NEW CHRISTIAN - DISCIPLINING

I am a Christian and my husband is not, although now he told me that he is seeking the Lord. I know divorce is a sin and that I should try to work it out with my husband, but the thought of being with him again is devastating to me. He was very selfish, always yelled at me and made me do everything, and he would never do things that I wanted him to do with me (like go to Church or pray together). I was very depressed being with him. He doesn't want me to go through with the divorce, but I just can't go back to him. Yet I feel guilty if I don't give it a try and trust the Lord to make it right.

I also feel that if I go through with the divorce that I will go to hell and I don't want to go to hell. I'm very confused about what to do. Also, I'm realitively new in my Christianity, so I do not have much insight. I do believe that Jesus is my Savior and that he died for my sins. Please get back to me. I appreciate your help tremendously.

Thanks.

(Name Withheld)

89
THE CHURCH WILL NOT HELP

My wife wishes to end our marriage in divorce... and I cannot get the Church we attended to help !

Can you help me ?

(Name Withheld)

90
A CRY FROM A BROKEN HEART

Please help me, I love my husband and he wants out of our marriage.

(Name Withheld)

91
THE UGLY FACE OF DIVORCE

Hello,

This is so strange for me to be writing this and talking about this to total strangers. I don't know what else to do.

I have prayed, I believe, but sometimes the depths of despair take me over.

My husband of 20 years, just packed up one week ago and left! Basically it was because he had filed the divorce papers and needed to not be here when they arrived in the mail.

He is living with a woman (the woman I suspect he has been seeing for the last 4 months, and his family put him back in touch with… I know he is conflicted and confused (none of this is of God). When I talked to him last week, he still sounds like he loves me, and yet sounds resolved to go through with it. I told him counseling might help us work out the problems we never talked about, but he sounds unwilling to do that. He even admits to making many many mistakes, but says he can't trust counselors - not even christian ones (which I said was the only ones we would go to).

I know I made mistakes, too, but I realized now that my "distance" drove him away, but I see that it isn't so serious that we can't work on it, and maybe fix things. We never fought or screamed at each other, seemed to be able to communicate - at least on a surface level. He still went and did errands and favors for me and we did little "fun" things for each other. We just moved into a new house, and Thursday night he was helping me hang pictures on the wall, and (seemingly) enjoying the activity, and then Friday packed up his stuff and left! He has never been that kind of two-faced, underhanded, sneaky person. That's why I feel he is/was truly ambivalent right up until the moment he left, and still isn't sure this is the right thing (it isn't).

She (AND his family) are keeping him isolated and distant from me so that we can't talk and work on this.I guess I'm writing to ask for continuous prayer that he'll see we need to talk and not go through with this divorce so quickly before we give this marriage a chance to be healed. I don't think he's hearing God's voice right now, as I believe sin and evil and are shouting things to him and have made him do things he doesn't think he can be forgiven for (he almost said as much to me during our one and only discussion since he left).

Pray God will be able to speak to him, that he'll seek out God's will for his future. If this is God's will, if I have truly "driven him away, abandoned him," then I'll seek forgiveness and move on, but I'm not convinced we can't work all this out and be a true testimony for God in the future.

Thanks for listening.

(Name Withheld)

92
PRAYING AND FASTING FOR RECONCILIATION

I need prayer for the reconciliation of our 14 year marriage . We have five children. I love my wife and want her back. She is living someplace else and is having divorce papers sent to me. We have been separated for 3 months. I am praying and am going to fast for our marriage. Is there anything I can do?

(Name Withheld)

93
REMARRIED CHRISTIANS REPENT AND TAKE STEPS TO OBEY GOD

Dear Mr. Wilcox,

Two months ago we read your article on divorce and remarriage. We have been Christians for 17 years and had never ever been taught or even heard the things you mentioned in your article. Last year we had visited a Christian community... It was there that we were first confronted with remarriage and what the scriptures teach on the subject. My husband and I have both been divorced. We had lived together for three years when we were converted, and the Christians that were discipling us at the time encouraged us to be married. We have been married now for 17 years and have five children, We did not at first believe what the community had told us, nor did we want to believe it. But we were afraid of closing our hearts and minds to it also because we knew that if it was truth, we would be closing ourselves off from God Himself. And so we prayed and prayed and asked God to please show us.

My dad was here for a week visiting at the time we were searching this out. He is a Christian who has been divorced also. He remarried over 30 years ago and became a Christian 7 years later. He also had a hard time with this subject and at first rejected the idea, but our struggle with it concerned him. When he got back home he began searching on his own and came across your article. It completely changed his thinking. In the meantime, my husband and I had continued searching and God started speaking to our hearts. My dad forwarded us your article and when we read it, it cleared up many doubts in our minds and confirmed a lot of things we had been feeling. All of us have come under deep conviction and are desiring to do God's will. We are seeking God for the courage to go forward in faith and take the necessary steps to correct what we can.

We have all taken a vow of abstinence and God has been dealing so strongly with us that He has left no question in our minds that this is His will. The sad thing for my husband and me is that we have not been able to fine anyone in the area where we live who will stand with us. Quite the opposite. One pastor had actually been raised under this teaching and rejected it. His response to us was that it caused people to leave the church and turn away from God, and that pastors that he knew had taken a hard stand on this subject became much more "compassionate and understanding" when they became personally affected later on. But we will, with God's strength, continue to hold on. We remain in contact with the community and they have been encouraging us.

We would love to hear from you and would welcome any advice you might have for us. Also, if you know of others who are in the same place as us we would love to know of them. I'm sure we are not all alone but it has sure been feeling that way these last few months. Thank you for all the research and time you put into this subject, and especially for your willingness to listen to God.

Sincerely,

(Names Withheld)

94
LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT?

I was on your website and I was reading about Restoration of Christian Marriage. What exactly do you mean by "provision must be made to undertake the careful application of God's love and commands. Allowance must be made for an enormous number of differing circumstances without violating God's commands"?

What about if you married a counterfeit Christian who at the time of marriage pertained to be a Christian and a couple months (2) after marriage--you found out he wasn't that at all. He was abusive and a drug addict and refusing to get help. And your life and on personal well-being was in jeopordy. Are you still violating God's command of divorce?

(Name Withheld)

95
FAITHFUL SERVANT NEEDS REINFORCEMENT AND ENCOURAGEMENT

Hello. My name is ****** and, this is my situation.

I was raised Catholic and was married to a Catholic girl in the Catholic church. It was our first marriage. I was married for 10 years and then had a born-again experience. I truly was touched by God and wanted a closer walk with Him. I loved my wife and wanted her to come to know the Lord Jesus too. She wanted nothing of it. For the next three years the more I wanted of Jesus the less she wanted of me. Finally, she divorced me because I had "changed" from the man that she married. You see, we were both "party animals" when we were married. But my new relationship with God caused me to consider my sinful ways and stop all the wild misbehavior (sin) we had grown accustomed to.

I had a real hard time dealing with the divorce. I couldn't understand how my whole life disintegrated when I began putting Jesus first in my life. In any event, I just assumed that all I needed was a new "godly" helpmate for a wife and things would turn out fine.

I got in contact with a girl who was in our wedding. I had heard she had gotten saved many years prior and I thought I would check her out as to her availability. After going to her church (full-gospel Pentecostal Holiness) I was told and shown in the bible that remarriage was not an option for me (in the Lord) unless my wife reconciled with me or she died. For me to marry unless one of those conditions were met would be to commit adultery. The scripture given was Matthew 5:31,32 and Matthew 19:9-11. Needless to say, I was devastated. However, I wanted to make heaven my home more than I wanted a new wife. I have never remarried, dated or even held another woman's hand.

God has been faithful to keep me all these years. My kids are all grown up. My wife(ex?) is still alive. She has never shown any interest in getting back together again. I can honestly say that I have no feelings for her other than still praying for her to be saved.

Lately, I have really had the desire for companionship and the blessing of a godly wife…"

What say ye?

(Name Withheld)

96
PRAYING AND SEEKING GOD’S FACE WHILE STANDING

I believe God wants to restore my marriage. My lovely husband that I have been married to for 13 months has moved out for the 2nd time now, saying he does not love me anymore. I am fasting, seeking God's face and there where many visions, prophetic words etc that God is going to turn his heart. It has been a month and I can see God working but very slowly and without my hubby even realising it.

Pray for me for patience while God is restoring him and not to interfere in God's work. It is amazing to see my little boy and him together the few times I have seen my hubby and we both miss him so much and I feel so sorry for my little boy (2 years 10 months). Pray that God will do a quick work in our lives and marriage and that God will change us day by day.

M (Name Withheld)

97
NEW THESIS ON MARRIAGE

Greetings.

I just discovered, and subsequently read, your interesting insights on marriage. I think we may be of like mind, in some respects, on this issue.

I am a Missouri Synod Lutheran, who is currently writing a treatise on marriage, in which I attempt to defend the nature of marriage as a sacrament. What are your views on this issue?

Thank you, and God's blessings to you in Christ.

Sincerely,

(Name Withheld)

98
STANDING FOR TRUTH

Dear Mr. Wilcox,

I think that our ministers have not been dilligent enough to test what today we call truth. I think they are affraid to face what would happen if they were to take responsibility over remarriages. Our church is following many different truths and choosing what best fits their individual circumstance.

Also, I think it's very important to instruct our ministers on what the early church undestood, fresh out of the very first centuries. I think that 2000 years later, thinking that we understand the truth of the Word of our Lord better than those who were closer in centuries is very dangerous. 

I think the main problem is "suppossition". We tend to suppose more often than obey "What is written". Once we begin to accept that the truth leaves no room for suppossition, the "true" Truth stands clearly above all other misunderstandings. We have no excuses to be confused.

For example: I have been tought that if both spouses walk away from their covenant (no one standing) God releases both from the covenant making the marriage spiritually "dead", therefore second marriages are accepted because their covenant is dead. That is a supposition, nowhere in the bible does it say that, just the opposite (please see Galatians 3:15-16)

I have looked at the truth and I can't believe how simple it is to avoid seeing the truth. For example, when Jesus spoke on Matthew, He already cleared it all up. Jesus mentions a man marrying and committing adultery (we can assume that the wife is still his wife, after all Jesus called it adultery), but then after that statement, Jesus says that if the wife marries, she also commits adultery. Now, If there was a broken covenant there, it does not seem to make any difference to the Lord. If both get married, both commit adultery.

And then we have these verses:

Galatians 3:15 Brethren, as a man I say it, even of man a confirmed covenant no one doth make void or doth add to,
Galatians 3:17 and this I say, A covenant confirmed before by God to Christ, the law, that came four hundred and thirty years after, doth not set aside, to make void the promise,

We are supposed to be standing, not only for the restoration of our families, but firstly we must stand for the truth. If I stand not for the truth, I am in trouble, whether my marriage is restored or not.

(Name Withheld)

99
CONFESSES SIN OF MARRYING A DIVORCED WOMAN

I married a divorced woman. (Her 'ex' husband is still alive.) I was single - no previous marriage, and a '2-year old' Christian at the time. Until recently, I wasn't really sure about the legitimacy of this marriage. My pastor took the position that you have portrayed as common in modern day evangelical churches; mainly that the reasons for her divorce allowed remarriage.

My research on the subject seemed to indicate that no remarriage was possible for her, but I bowed to my pastor's knowledge and authority. After a rough 14 months, we separated. (she left me).

I now firmly agree with your position and confess that I have been living in an adulterous relationship.

My problem is now this: what do I do now? Must I 'divorce' her as soon as possible (in order to 'officially' break the adulterous relationship)? If so, am I allowed to marry another (single) woman, should the situation arise? Or would I be considered 'divorced' and therefore must remain single?

Thank you in advance for your response. And I thank God for leading me to your web site.

(Name Withheld)

100
SEARCHED THE WORD OF GOD, LIVING A NEW LIFE IN CHRIST

Thank-you for obeying the Word of God and providing truth for my husband and I. Someone in our church challenged us on this and got us looking through the Bible, then we started searching on the internet for some historical/theological explanations of the meaning of the Bible… You are speaking very much the truth. I praise God that He has shown both my husband and I these things. It is beginning to change our life in a monumental way. With a new understanding of God's true, consistent design for marriage, we are living a new life in Christ understanding more fully His Word and our obedience to Him. Thank-you.

In Christ,

(Name Withheld)