Marriage Divorce: The Restoration of Christian Marriage

MarriageDivorce

CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, REMARRIAGE & RESTORATION

Selected Emails

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Please Note: Some of the emails selected and published here have been edited to remove inappropriate details. An attempt has also been made to remove any material information that may identify persons by name or certain specific institutions. We regret that most emails we received cannot be published due to the large volume of correspondents. We appreciate each and every person who has written us. We praise God that hearts are being touched by truth. When you read these letters, please pray for those pouring out their hearts, as well for the countless millions who need Jesus Christ and His message, and have not heard, because no one would go and teach them…


1

A SOLDIER OF THE CROSS OF CHRIST

 

Dear Stephen Wilcox,

I have been a single parent for fourteen years.  I was ordained a minister of the word of God in 1990, and by 1993, I was astonished with the compromise of God’s Holy Word, that I witnessed in the church.  Pleading to my superiors in these matters, fell on fell on ears that refused to hear.  The cliché, “what is truth is truth and what is right is right”, meant nothing to those who were in-charge and I was told many times, that I had a choice in the matter.  “I could stay or I could leave”. Needless to say, I left, and left, and left. I was branded a legalist on many occasions because my opinions (taken from scripture on obedience to the Word) did not fit that particular ministry.

Between 1990 and 2000, I have seen homosexuality blatantly accepted with in the church,  divorce and remarriage by ministers and pastors as well as congregants.  Pastors proclaim  their personal prophesy, in order to raise money, and many other situations that were simply unjust and against God’s Word.  My choice is to  have no particular church affiliation, but to do God’s work without the hindrance of the politics, that are…. I founded the Divine Word Ministry, so that I could print monthly news letters about the present apostasy in the church today, to pastors and as many people who wished them (at no cost to them). On occasion I am asked to preach and I do. I have preached in eight states to many people, with no compromise of the Word of God.

I sent my son **** to ….Christian Schools, where he received the most awesome Christian education. His understanding of the Word of God left me in awe on many occasions. The most fascinating part about his Christian walk, is that he lives it each day.  Upon his graduation, he received the President’s award for academics, The Distinguished Christian High School Student Award and many, many others.

Sadly, his experience within the church was about the same as mine. ( the apple didn’t fall far from the tree)  I was told by one of the youth ministers, who assisted the teen ministry, that when ***** was asked questions about scripture, by the youth leader, the entire class (which was usually very noisy) was totally quite, as he not only gave the corrected scripture from memory, but explained its meaning to the class on many occasions.  Of course this didn’t sit well with the youth ministry leader at all. He didn’t understand that for 5 years, 2 hours a day my son studied Scripture,  Christian sociology, and Christian World ethics.

When the youth minister at our church, told the teens that it was all right for them to participate in sex, because they were young and that God understood, my son was shocked.  In his hast to correct the youth leader, he stood and said; “You can’t teach these kids that!” After class, the youth leader called my son over and said; “You know too much, maybe you should go to the adult class”.  A few weeks later the youth leader removed himself from his position. My son left the church. He continues to read Scripture and continues to take notes on God’s Word. ( he has note books full of notes on scripture) We sit on many occasions and share the Word of God, discuss church politics, and conditions in the world today. He is 6’2”, lifts weights, goes to Christian concerts with his friends, feeds the homeless at the Inner City Ministry each Thrusday , and is a Senior at ….. University. (Pre Medical)

I believe that God touched my heart in writing this book to help, the so very many people who are compromising the Word.  I wish to believe that if people were instructed properly, many would try their best to do what is right in their lives and the lives of others.

The book is about the compromise and the consequences, of blatantly breaking the word of God. It speaks about the history of the Christian church and its compromise, which caused millions upon millions of people their lives. It speaks about the Crusades and the Inquisition, Martin Luther’s Reformation and His views of the Jewish People which caused more death and suffering (because of more compromise). The commandments of God, and how they must relate to the modern man with no compromise. Slavery in the United States (more compromise) “The destruction of the American Christian family through divorce and remarriage and its effect on today’s society”. Your paper would enhance this section and lead the people of God to a better understanding. Forgiveness and acquiring salvation.

I was so very impressed with your paper, as I didn’t know that there were many who wrote about true obedience to the Word of God. True it has been difficult for my son and I, because of our stance on Christian ethics. I have lost friends and jobs, but God fulfills all of our needs.  The use of your paper would be most helpful, in my quest to spread the Word. I thank you much for writing me back and inquiring about my book.

Sincerely yours in Christ,

Rev. (name withheld)

2

FROM OLD REFORMED TO NEW REFORMER

Dear Stephen,

I recently obtained a copy of "THE RESTORATION OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE, A CALL FOR REPENTANCE AND REFORMATION, BY STEPHEN WILCOX" from your web site.  I read it with great interest, and I am in complete agreement with what the *Word of God* has to say on the issue of remarriage.  Fortunately, your article reflects the right view, as laid out in scripture, flawlessly!

I write to you because this is a subject very near and dear to my heart.  I believe that remarriage is a plague sent upon the church by the enemy of light, and it is destroying the family quicker than a cancer.

Because I have been attending a reformed church - (that is; we hold to the teachings of the early church reformers), your article is especially useful and informative to me. 

Sadly, years before my family began attending the church we are at, the Pastor's wife left him for another man in the church.

Pastor has managed to remain divorced, while raising his daughter, from infant through college - alone.  That was a quality which attracted my wife and I to the small community church in the first place.  However, all of that changed when the Pastor made an announcement last Sunday - He informed the congregation that he is getting remarried this October.

Unfortunately, I cannot sit under such teaching.  As in the books of Timothy and Titus, he will be disqualified as a Pastor the minute he says "I do". This will mark the 4th church my family has attended, and left, in the past few years - all over the issue of remarriage.  You may find it severe to leave a church over this one issue, but I am raising 3 children, all in their teens now, and I want them to have a right view of marriage – before they enter into it.  Unfortunately, when a church doesn't share my views on this subject, it is toxic to my children's chances of sustaining a healthy marriage relationship.

Quite frankly, I don't know where to go next.  There aren't any churches that I know of in my area which are free from this plague - even at the highest levels.  I can readily count several remarried Pastors that I know of - easily more than a half dozen of them.

That is a little of my background, and how I came to seek out your article during a web search.  I would like your permission to distribute a printed copy to the few folks who may want to know our reasons for leaving the church.  I do not seek to cause any divisions, but at the same time, I also believe that people deserve an honest answer.

Your article does a very good job explaining how far off target the church has gotten since the times of the early church fathers - in a format that is geared towards those who hold near and dear the views of the early church reformers.

In addition, I have painstakingly converted your (short version) writing into Palm Pilot format, so that I can read it on my Palm handheld device.  I have attached a copy of that file to this mailnote, in case you wish to postit to your web site for any other Palm users to take advantage of.

Thank you for daring to take a right stand on this issue.  I know a little of the sacrifice it takes, as I bounce my family from church to church, in search of one that will uphold the truth.  This is one area that even the most God-fearing churches refuse to follow the Bible on.

Blessings in Christ,

R (name withheld)

3

BETRAYED BY CHURCH AND PASTOR

Dear Mr. Wilcox,

I just finished reading your article on The Restoration of Christian Marriage.  And I just wanted to thank you, for confirming what the Lord has been revealing to me.

My husband (ex-husband) and I are both Christians.  He filed for divorced and left in February.  We had been married 7 years and have 2 small children.  I had had an affair the first year of our marriage, but he claimed to have forgiven me.  When things got tough for us (illness, other sin, etc) he filed for divorce and left.  He went to our pastor, told him of the affair 6 years ago, and basically got his blessing for the divorce.

Our pastor never even contacted me or tried to discuss this with us together at all.  I have been devastated and angry at how this was handled in our church. I’m not angry anymore as much as I am saddened.  I just can’t seem to get past that if our pastor had handled this in a biblical way, I probably wouldn’t be divorced right now.

It is a tough realization that I must remain single and cannot remarry.  But God’s way isn’t always easy or understandable I guess.  Besides having 2 small children to raise on my own, and having to work full time, I also have Multiple Sclerosis.  It isn’t easy for me to understand how God expects me to do this on my own I guess.  But what He calls me to do (and I now truly believe that it would be wrong for me to remarry) He will give me the strength to do.  And I continue to pray earnestly for the restoration of my marriage.

Sorry to have made this so long.  I just wanted to thank you for the article and I hope it can be passed on to ALL pastors who will then seek God in this area and give Godly counsel to others in our situation.

I’ve considered passing it on to the pastor of the church who gave his blessing for our divorce.  But I’m not sure if that is wise or not.  I’m trying to trust God for the restoration and trying not to get in His way. But I do thank you again.  I have learned a lot and hope to be able to teach others also.

God Bless,

DL (Name withheld)

4

CONCERNING DOUBLEMINDEDNESS, APATHY AND WOLVES

Dear Mr. Wilcox,

My name is (name withheld)

Time and space limit giving full account of our experience of divorce and remarriage in the church. In summation I have to say double mindedness, apathy and wolves in sheep's clothes abound. The destruction of His kingdom has crept in so stealthily... the ways of man have become the norm, acceptable and encouraged by the "Christian community".

It grieves me greatly... yet only a grain of sand, I am sure, compared to our Holy Father and precious Lord Jesus.

The consequences have been personally devastating. In seeking assistance and "Godly" counsel by our church, and "Christian" professionals for our marital crisis... My beloved husband... was rather encouraged to walk away from our precious Lord and did divorce me last month.

I rend my heart for my own beloved and for every other precious and holy union that has been betrayed, misled and shredded by worldly thinking.

I thank God for the revelation of HIS truth and stand in obedience to HIS word, I live in hope and prayer for HIS promise of restoration and blessings.

I look forward to the miracle of healing and restoration by HIS mighty and glorious hand.

The Lord has laid upon my spirit such a desire for this ministry... prior to being divorced... that the spiritual battle is quite plain before me. Satan is defeated... he shall not win... My GOD is a GREAT GOD and HE will not give HIS GLORY to another, nor let HIS servant be ashamed.

Stand Firm... Mr. Wilcox in truth... Forge on... for the Lord goes before you into the battle.

God bless and keep you and yours,

In Christ,

HS (Name withheld)

5

SPIRIT LEAPS FOR JOY

May HE bless you abundantly for your stand in TRUTH.

I just found your sight.... I have been awaiting the reconcilliation by the goodness and grace of God for a while.

Everything in your writing is just as revealed to me in the word... in my own study and meditations.

My Spirits leaps with Joy to find ONE other who demonstrates a great concern for the crumbling of the foundation of God's kingdom. How dreadful the holiness of marriage has been smattered in the Christian community.

In Christ... God keep you and yours... faithful servant.

(Name withheld)

6

MISERABLE

 

I just found your website.  I am divorced and remarried and miserable.

Miserable because I feel my new marriage is not valid and I'm trapped.

I became a Christian long before I married my first wife.  I foolishly committed adultery several times during my first marriage.  My first wife did not want a divorce, but eventually filed to protect herself.  She was willing to reconcile. I foolishly refused to repent and did not fight the divorce.

I then foolishly married my adultery partner.  She is also a Christian.  She divorced her first husband after a string of adulteries.  He did not want the divorce and was willing to reconcile.

I know my problem, for some time now, has been willful disobedience.  I have sought and received forgiveness from all who I sinned against, especially my first wife.  She is not remarried or seeing anyone.  I can't seem to get past what I did and feel drawn to my first wife.  I feel as though I cannot completely repent as long as I'm married to my current wife.

My current wife feels our marriage made everything right.  She thinks we should stay married and work it out. I know I'm forgiven, but I'm miserable.  Is there any hope of restoration in this life?  Should I divorce again and try to win back my first wife?

I've been a real prodigal and I'm ready to do things God's way.  Seems no matter what I do at this point someone else gets hurt.

Help! Please pray for me!  Any suggestions/advice?

In Christ,

J (Name withheld)

7

CHURCH ENCOURAGING UNFAITHFULNESS

I read your essay about divorce and remarriage and found it to be a very helpful contrast to the popular ideas on this subject.  I am currently struggling with this situation.  My wife left 19 months ago and filed for, and received, a civil divorce.  One of the things that really stood out in your article was the way that scripture has been twisted by a lot of people to seemingly allow divorce and remarriage.

My wife started attending Divorce Care meetings within a month of leaving our home.  It seems that somewhere in the course is the idea that the "exception clause" for divorce can be further expanded to include just about any kind of misdeed that a spouse might commit.

It is a very lonely and painful road to follow.  Almost everyone tells me to just get on with my life.  That I am justified in seeking a new relationship because she left me.  Even men who are elders in  the church.  My wife's father, who is an elder, seems content to just let things go the way they are.  It doesn't seem that he has any interest in trying to precipitate change.

I guess one thing that I didn't mention is that we have a daughter.  She was 20 months old when my wife left.  She is now starting to question what has happened.  She asks me if I can come live with her at her new house.

I struggle daily to not just close my heart to my wife, to stay open to the possibility of reconciliation, but it seems so hopeless.  I know that all things are possible through God and that there is no way for us to understand His plans or what He has in store for us.

Thanks,

M (Name withheld)

8

DOCTRINES OF DEMONS

I am glad to have found your site. A friend of mine and myself (who are both standing for the restoration of our marriages to unbelievers who have or are committing adultery) were searching for answers on remarriage. We felt it was not an option for believers especially; but wholly not for anyone. Your site is so helpful and informative.

I have even had a minister say to me that "this is not the man for you. God has someone else for you and your child. This man is unrepentant and will never change." He told me that I needed to leave my marriage. I questioned how one saved by grace could say that someone else is doomed and unrepentant...anyway, thank you for your information and research.

I wish more churches and Pastors would stand up and say "what thus says the Lord" concerning marriage. And stop performing 2nd marriages and things like that. I wish. One day...

Please keep my husband and myself in your prayers.

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SW (Name Withheld)

9

LET THE WALLS FALL DOWN

I just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know that God is doing great things through you.  I read your site, just in time.  Satan had taken a hold of my mind in letting me think that my unhappiness in my marriage was a product of marrying the wrong person, when in fact it was just because I wasn't working hard enough at it.  I think that I was just feeling a bit discouraged.

Reading your webpage was a great eye opener. Very humbling. Which was what I needed to break down my stubborn walls. I learned a great deal and wanted to say Thank You.  I feel the Grace of God ready to work in me, and you helped me to hear what God wanted me to hear all along.

God Bless,

M (Name Withheld)

10

HEART WRENCHING DECISION TO FOLLOW CHRIST’S COMMANDS

Dear Mr. Wilcox,

I came across your website about The Restoration of Christian Marriage tonight.  I was unwillingly divorced 13 years ago and have for most of that time held to the position of no divorce and no remarriage, but I just couldn't really explain why.  Unfortunately my wife married the man she had been having an affair with 12 years ago, but divorced him also last fall. 

Within the past 6 months I had changed my position on divorce/remarriage, but have struggled with it.  Also unfortunate is the fact that I met a wonderful Christian woman, whose husband left her ten years ago for another man and has been living in homosexuality ever since.  (They were divorced about 9 years ago).  We met via the internet about 6 months ago, but have never met in person.  However,  we have grown quite close and I was planning to make a visit to meet her next month. 

Within the past 2 weeks the Lord has been convicting me and showing me what He really says about divorce and remarriage, and by the way, it is exactly what you have posted on your website.  So I thank you for having the courage to post that in spite of the fact that even most Christians and churches will disagree with you. 

I have now severed my ties with the woman I told you about, but it has been a heart-wrenching decision, since she of course does not see it the way I now do….

Again, I thank you for putting the truth out there like you have.  God bless you!

Sincerely in Christ,

GD (Name Withheld)

11

REPENTING OF ADULTERY AND FINDING JESUS

Hi, thank you for the get essay.  My wife just filed for legal separation, due to numerous infidelities on my part.  I want to reconcile with her, but more importantly, to repent of my sins and be forgiven by God. 

Can you tell me what (if any) scriptures (old or new testament) give clear direction on exactly what I need to do  to repent and be forgiven of marital unfaithfulness?

Thank you and Grace of God be with you.

CF (Name Withheld)

12

DECIDING TO OBEY GOD AND STAND ALONE

hi my name is (Name Withheld) and I have recently become Christian. Since then my ex-girlfriend and I had begun talking again and have become engaged. I read your website and it has really convicted me despite my trying to ignore it.

My ex is divorced because her husband committed adultery she was Christian at the time and did it in faith, sought council before hand. I have come to the conclusion that there is no remarriage as your website and the Bible declares. Do feel that would be forgiveness or any way to move on from this situation since she did it in ignorance? As the Bible says that all things become new, the old is passed away.

I am looking for the truth not to justify my actions, I just want to rule out every possibility before break the engagement with the woman I love. Thanx for doing God's work,

God Bless

(Name Withheld)

13

SURPRISED BY OVERWHELMING PEACE

Greetings Stephen:

Tonight I will be brief.  Perhaps in the future I will write more when I am more alert.

I have not read your entire article on Christian marriage but I am excited about what I have read so far.

I have been divorced for nine years.  Recently, a friend who doesn't claim to be a Christian but reads the Bible a lot and is searching for truth, challenged my views on divorce and remarriage.  I could not honestly defend them in the face of his questions straight from the Bible.

I am so grateful to you for bringing to light the teachings of the early church fathers.  I am not a Greek scholar but I do what I can to go back to the original language via a concordance.  I was surprised by an overwhelming peace when I looked at the scriptures only and set aside man's interpretations. 

As I did this I by faith closed the gate a bit, so to speak, in this area. I say this because I am beginning to see the that Church is all too eager to push open the narrow gate a bit when it appears to us to be just TOO narrow.  So, as I examined both sides of the issue it became clear that God was leading me to a narrow place and not too many other people are there.  I feel as though I've just awakened from a long dream that blinded me.  An old Phil Keaggy song, "Love Broke Through" keeps coming to mind.

I am looking forward to a more thorough investigation your article.  It has brought me great hope and comfort.  I am hungry for Truth in this area and it appears you have provided much valid insight.  Thank you.  Can you imagine how long this email would have been if I wasn't attempting to keep it brief?

Blessings on you my friend,

KK (Name Withheld)

14

FORGIVENESS AND RESTORATION AFTER 22 YEARS OF STANDING ALONE

Hello,

I have just read your very long message on divorce and remarriage.  I have an interesting situation that I request your thoughts on.

25 years ago I got married to (Name Withheld).  We were together only 3 years before he wanted a divorce.  We received counseling from our pastor.....unfortunately the pastor himself was seeking a divorce and (I felt) could not be objective.  I held out, but to no avail.

Not long after our divorce he remarried....to the woman who was the attraction when he left our marriage.  I have never remarried.

Over the last 22 years we've remainded in contact and have, periodically, had many extremely meaningful conversations.....those of repentence and forgiveness and depth.

About two and a half years ago ****** contacted me again.  He and his wife had been seperated for almost a year and she was proceeding with divorce. I thought I heard God speaking very clearly to me about a future with *****, but I didn't share that with him.  We agreed to not be in contact, as ***** was needing to get through so much...and kept that commitment except when my father (to whom ***** was very close) died.  6 months later we started some conversations that were wonderful for both of us.  We allowed ourselves to dream a bit about having a future together.

Those conversations were very deep for four or five months, but he wanted to back-off (15 months ago) in order to get his relationship with God straight, and live the correct priorities, and to not be influenced by his desires for a future with me until his divorce was final, which was 10 months ago. Now he says he's been reading the Word about remarriage and says that our relationship can't go in the direction it was. I don't know if he means now or forever....we haven't talked in detail yet.

Anyway.....??  I'm the woman he left.  His 2nd ex is getting remarried in a couple of months.  What exactly do you think God would say about he and I remarrying?

Thank you,

K (Name Withheld)

15

HEART TURNED TO REPENTANCE AND RECEIVING A NEW MIND IN CHRIST

Thank you for your passion for educating Christians about God's Word in regard to marriage, divorce, and remarriage.  I find myself in the circumstance of needing this information.

My husband and I married at age 19, 19 years ago.  Four years ago, I found out that he had an eight month long affair with one of my "friends".  I chose to stay in my marriage because I did not want to be the kind of person, the kind of Christian that had a hard-heart and could not or would not forgive.  I have been forgiven much, should not I forgive others?  My husband was quite repentant and took whatever steps he could to restore the marriage.  About 8 months ago, he informed me that he no longer loved me, was in love with some one else (my best friend), but that the two of them decided it was wrong to leave me for her.  I was devastated and suffered a quite serious depression. 

I am seeing a Christian counselor who frequently reminds me about spiritual battle and Satan's plans for destroying my marriage.  My husband has chosen to stay married to me, but has emotionally left and has put in several requests for changes to be made in the marriage.  (Some needful and others selfish)  I often feel like just following the way of the world and simply leaving.  My counselor helps me keep my focus on God and His Word.

I found myself seriously contemplating divorce again.  My mind justifies this well.  After all, he committed adultery once, and a second time in his heart.  The scriptures permit me to leave.  I'm not interested in remarriage anyway.  So then I can be out from under this terrible pain.  I was going to look up scriptures again, but instead looked online.  I found this website through a search engine.  It was wonderful to have all of the scriptures here in one place.  The additional information of the teachings of the early church fathers was helpful as well.

Because of what I read here today, I will turn my heart in repentance to God once again and ask Him to "renew my mind"; to not let God's work go because of my own personal sadness. (which is what I have done)  I know in my heart and the Spirit bears witness to me that these things are true.  Just because the world has changed does not mean Christ has changed.

I will bookmark this page to reference again when needed and to refer others to when necessary.  I will also send the address to my counselor so he can refer others to it.

Thank you and may God continue to bless you in your life and in your ministry.

DP (Name Withheld)

16

CALLING FOR RETURN OF BELOVED PRODICAL

Please be in prayer for me as my husband left me and our 3 year old daughter Easter Sunday.  I have not gave up on him and still would like to make us  a family but he is not willing to do this.  He says that he wants a divorce(but as far as I know he has not filed yet).  He is living with a buddy and I am not sure if there is a female or not in his life yet.(He says no; that he missed up once and that he would not do that again). 

Our 3 year old daughter having a real tough time with this because she is daddy's little girl.  Also he doesn't call her like he should and he has only seen her once in the last 2 weeks.  He was supposed to pick-up her Saturday but I would not let him take her anywhere because he has offered no finacial support to me or her since he left, so needless to say he just didn't come. 

I pray constantly for God to help me deal will this and to give me the strength to cope and deal and to also help my husband to find his way home and back to his family that loves him so much.  Please pray for the restoration of my family.

G(Name Withheld)

17

THE GOSPEL’S WORST ENEMY

I just quickly looked over your web site.  You have done a lot of research and have recorded what the Holy Ghost has shown me regarding the permanency of a one-flesh marriage - that marriage between a male and female, neither having a living spouse cannot be dissolved other than by the physical death of one of the parties to that one-flesh union. 

 The church has, in large part, become the gospel's worst enemy when it comes to the marriage/divorce issue as you well state in your writings.

JB (Name Withheld)

18

UKRAINIAN BAPTISTS

Greetings of love of our Lord Jesus Christ to you!

I am inquiring into the question of divorce and remarriage. I live in the Ukraine and go to the local Baptist church. This question is urgent for us today. I am trying to bring all Scripture passages on this topic in concordance and to prove that there are no contradictions in the Scripture, and also to reveal the right understanding of this question. Someone sent me your work by e-mail. It is very interesting and was very useful for me. Especially the historical part.

In my inquiring I've stopped on Mattew 5:32 and 19:9. I cannot bring these passages in agreement with the rest of the teaching. No matter what version of explanations of those passages I take, I always come up with a contradiction. I read your work, but didn't quite understand your position on this matter, so I would like to ask some qualifying questions.

I understood that you believe that there Jesus was speaking about the Jewish betrothal custom. About breaking of chastity before the marriage that was discovered afterwards.

If possible, please write about it in as more detail as possible. Is it the breaking of chastity that was discovered during the betrothal or after the marriage? May anyone marry another person after breaking the betrothal relationship? Was it only for the Jews or also for us today?

May the Lord bless you and your ministry.

With love,

brother AP (Name Withheld)

19

ANOTHER BROKEN PASTOR’S HOME

Thanks for your website. I'm really struggling with these issues. I am a seminary graduate and licensed preacher in a conservative Reformed denomination. I was abandoned by my wife last year. She stated outright that she could not be married to a minister.

I was willing to give up my ministry plans, but she left and divorced me (without biblical grounds) anyway. She is being disciplined by the church for this, but has basically thumbed her nose at the people of God.

I pray for ********* salvation every day. I question whether or not she really knew the Lord. Her dad is a LIBERAL *************** minister. I really don't know what Bible he is reading to justify what she has done. I have trouble believing he really knows the Lord either.

I struggle with anger. Please pray for me about this. ******** is basically hiding from every Christian that knew her before, and has befriended unbelievers. She has moved several times so that no one, including myself, knows where she is. I have truly been abandoned, and it is like she is dead.

That's why I struggle with these issues. I grew up in a fundamental Bible church being taught that a second marriage is never permissible after a divorce. The Westminster Confession, I believe,  teaches a concept of "covenantal death," where the offending party is considered dead covenantally. I'm not sure I agree with the Confession in that area. I might have to take an exception in that section if I get a call to a church and take my ordination exam. 

I'm continuing to pray because Jesus taught us to "keep praying and not to give up" in the parable of the unjust judge.

I pray for God's mercy on ******. I pray for her repentence, and my own in areas where I've caused her to be hard hearted against me. Hard heartedness is the true cause of divorce.

I'm sick because of the immorality I see in the world today. I fear the spiritual danger in which she has placed herself.

Please pray for me.

G(Name Withheld)

20

WHO IS A BROTHER AND SISTER? WHO IS NOT?

I would like some guidance in the issue of marriage.

My wife asked me to leave the house in December of 1999.  We were not Christians and yet I thought there was something wrong with divorce.  I understood after a while that because of our sinful lives and my sinful heart, I had to be left alone in my wilderness.  And I praise the Lord for lifting me up and giving me a chance to approach him.  He became my Lord.  But something bothered me.  He was asking me to stand for my marriage which, to this day I am praying for reconciliation, even though my wife has been cohabitating with another man (Christian, or maybe not) who took my wife to church (not the one I go to).

My son ****** 10 yrs and I are still praying for the reconciliation and restoration of my wife to the Lord and to our family.

My dilemma is the following.  I have studied about God's word on marriage.  I just can't find a reason to believe that second marriages are not adulterous.  I have been going to a group which stands for the reconciliation of marriages.  It's a great support group, but there are brothers and sisters standing for the reconciliation of second marriages, which is very confusing to me.

I don't believe I should stand for the reconciliation of second marriages, for I would be standing for an adulterous relationship.

I have been thinking about not going to the group any more, but my son wants me to continue to go.

What would you suggest?

I hope you understand my dilemma.

E (Name Withheld)

21

PRODICAL WANTS TO RETURN TO WIFE OF HIS YOUTH

Dear Steve,

I read with keen interest as I am searching out an answer to my own remarriage.  You see, I had an affair and left my wife and two daughters.  I married the woman with whom I had the affair, yet, the ache in my soul has persisted and grown louder and louder.  I know in my heart that what I did was wrong and have confessed that to God.  My local church pastor has told me to "wipe the snot off my nose" and take it like a man.  He strongly suggests I stay in the remarried state and "give God a chance to redeem my sin" - meanwhile, my daughters and first wife are struggling. 

I have felt strongly that I should leave the second marriage and work to restoring the first marriage as God would allow.  My current "wife" says she has repented and we went through a "repentance ceremony" with the pastor to confess our sin openly and to ask each other to for forgiveness.  Somehow, that still leaves me reeling because it's not her forgivenes that I am really seeking, though I do forgive her and hope she forgives me as well.

Off the record, am I wrong in thinking that I should end the second marriage and work toward restoring the first marriage?  I too believe the Church has lost its anchoring when it comes to pseudo-poligamy by allowing and inviting remarriage like the rest of the world does. 

Your advice would be most appreciated.

K (additional information withheld)

22

BROKENHEARTED PASTOR

Dear Bro. Wilcox,

I have just finished reading the full text of The Restoration of Christian Marriage. It is a marvelous thesis. I congratulate you for having done this much needed work.

I am a 71 year old retired holiness pastor. My wife of 47 years has left me. I intend to be faithful to her until either the Lord takes me home or He restores our marriage. I never dreamed that we would ever be separated.

Will you please pray for me and for My Lady ******? My heart is aching but I know that God is still on the throne.

Sincerely,

Rev. JM (Name withheld)

23

ANNULMENT NOTWITHSTANDING, CALLED BY HOLY SPIRIT

Hello.

My wife is divorced but received an annulment from the Catholic Church for the previous marriage.  Thus, we were married in the Catholic Church.

I am no theologian, but it would appear from the texts on your site on "Divorce and Remarriage" that my marriage is, nonetheless, not a valid marriage due to my wife's divorce (annulment notwithstanding)

We both made sure to go throught the proper process with our minister and the Church to verify if my wife was eligible to marry (I was not married previously) prior to the wedding.  The marriage would not have taken place had the Church not granted the annulment.

I agree that Scripture is quite clear on Divorce and Remarriage.  However, even with the annulment, I am still troubled in spirit about our union.

Any comments on our situation would be welcome since I want to be in full communion with God's will.

Thanks,

F(Name Withheld)

24

FAITHFUL STANDER WITHOUT CHURCH SUPPORT

Dear Mr..Wilcox

I am divorced and I am standing for my marriage to be restored. I believe that marriage is permanent also. I think that you have done a good job on your web page. I think it was on your page that it said that 96% of Christians believe in remarriage.

Most everybody I know believes in remarriage. My ex-wife and her new boyfriend both believe in remarriage. He says he is a Christian and every day I find myself in thinking how can he or how can anybody justify adultery.

I have mock arguments with him,in my mind, I just can't seem to stop. I even find my self-questioning remarriage. Have you gone through any of this? Do you have any advice you could give me?

Thank You,

A servant of our Lord Jesus Christ, 

J (Name Withheld)

25

THE LAMB IS WORTHY

Thank you for your article on divorce and remarriage. Praise God for a voice that is tuned to Him!!  I have learned so much in my study on this issue and your article has really brought it all together and answered all the questions I still had. I , too, pray that Gods people will lift high the standard taught by Christ and His apostles, and be a true light to this dying world.

Im so ashamed of the modern church, what a disgusting lukewarm vomit party waiting to happen. (Rev.  3:16). We need to get back to scripture and FOLLOW the teachings of Christ and the apostles. I pray we will be found worthy of the Lamb that was slain for MY sins!!

God bless you and press on toward that mark, we need your voice!

(Name Withheld)

26

YOUNG PASTOR REAPS WAGES OF SIN, FALLS BEFORE GOD AND REPENTS

My name is ********, age 24, and my wife’s name is ****, age 21, and we need prayer.

We have been going though some monumental marital problems. I was a young, headstrong minister until now.

During April the marriage was ripped apart. Adultery entered the marriage, on her part first, and many other horrible and ungodly things.

We separated and came back together, then I drove her away because of my jealousy and hatred for the other guys that she got involved with and she did numerous things that made me upset to trigger the said reactions. I said mean and hateful things to her and then she reacted in like manner.

Then we only argued from that point on. Which led to another separation and she has not had any communication with me sense then. The devil has this marriage in a horrible wreck.

I love my wife and we believe that this is a God ordained marriage. Because of the anger, resentment, hatred, etc... she started cheating on me again, I assume, which made me start cheating.

It hurts me sooooooo much that things went this way. I feel as though I have felled God in role as a leader in my house. God help us!

Life fills so empty with out my partner of 7+ years by my side. I want God to bring us back together and put us on the right track with Him.

I have sent her various things and e-mailed her some e-cards. I still have not heard from her yet. It hurts me to know that I somehow contributed to the said events.

Please reply at the email address listed below to let me know that you have recieved this prayer request.

The Prayer of Righteous Avails much...

(Name Withheld)

27

ABANDONED WIFE HAS HEART FOR HUSBAND

My prayer request is for my husband ****** that the Lord will move in his heart to repent and be delivered from adultery and for our marriage to be restored. Also that he will break off the relationship/friendship with the other woman.  I need prayer for strength, wisdom and knowledge as I continue to stand for the healing in our marriage.

Thank you and God Bless,

N (Name Withheld)

28

PERILOUS TIMES HAVE COME

Dear Mr. Wilcox.

With regard to your doctrinal position essay, I would like to compliment on your doctrinal essay as it is one of the very best I have ever read. In this wicked and adulterous generation, for a man to fearless preach the scriptures, I must say you are a brave man and I thank God for you.

I have just printed out your whole essay and am going to file it for reference.  Just recently I read that the secular world has less prominence of divorce in it than does the religious world.  The new Testament says "perilous times shall come" and they have come! 

I have lived with my wife for 49 years.  She was one of those rare jewels called a virgin.  We had 6 wonderful children and with the homes broken up as they are, we can well understand why the jails are full, penitentiaries  are full and can't be built fast enough, Christian marriage is the solution to such problems.  If you have the time, would you please identify your church affiliation as I consider you a rare teacher of truth.

Sincerely Yours,

CM (Name Withheld)

29

STANDING ALONE IN OBEDIENCE

Dear Stephen,

Thank you so much.  I have searched and read much on this subject these last couple of days, and it is no wonder the church is in such a mess on this issue because of the varying views by contemporary Christian leaders. 

There seems to be some agreement that it is indeed adultery to marry again if you are divorced, (although there is some gray area about the innocent party on this, i.e., if the guilty party remarries, then the innocent party is "free" to marry), but the concensus seems to be that you just have to admit your sin, and God will forgive, and you stay in the second marriage.

Or the other view is that you get out of the second marriage and live single from then on.  Not much is said about reconciling with the original partner even if such a reconciliation is possible, although I did find a few besides you who stated this.

I do plan to stay single, and my prayer will be that if God wants me to reconcile with my husband, He will draw us to that poin.  I plan to stand firm on the Scripture you advised, but right now I feel I will be "a voice crying in the wilderness." 

Thank you again for your kind response and your affirmation of theology.

Your Christian Sister

N(Name Withheld)

30

FRESH AIR AFTER A LONG NIGHT IN A COLD DARK CAVE

I happened upon your website, and it is like a breath of fresh air after a long night in a cold, dark cave.  I can hardly believe there is someone who actually stands up for marriage and family in the manner in which you do.

I have been divorced for 11 years from my husband.  We were married for 23 years.  He sought and obtained the divorce, and at the time I was so hurt and wounded I didn't know how to fight it.  I pleaded that he not divorce and sought help from my local church and what I took to be Christian friends to no avail.  My pastor at the time talked to him one time.  Everyone I turned to for help turned away. 

No one wanted to get involved even though we were in church and he was a deacon. We had three beautiful sons, at that time ages 18, 16, and 13.  They have since grown up and are now married and one has a baby.  They are all very actively involved in a nondenominational church.

He was friendly with a lady he worked with while we were married, whom he married 4 years ago.  She is a member of the Church of Christ.  We are Baptists.  They attend both churches I am told.  Over the past year, many times, my husband has told me how sorry he is that he left me and the children.  But he never seems to come to the place that he wants to reconcile with me as his wife.  I do not think he believes that he is living in adultery.  All his family and mine go to church (different ones) and everyone just accepts what has happened. 

For a very long time, I felt as though I stood alone and I prayed and I prayed.  God upheld me in his mercy to endure some very hard years raising my sons.  My husband kept in contact with our sons on a regular basis, showed them love, and helped them financially in college, but they were very angry at what he had done.  They have now come to a point of forgiveness to their father, and they accept his marriage.  I still feel alone in my belief that in God's eyes we are still married.

My question is this.  Recently on my son's birthday, my husband came alone to the birthday celebration I had at my house with all the family.  He thanked me for allowing him to come, said he had a wonderful time, and has offered to help me financially with a home improvement project. I don't know if I should accept his offer or not.

My goal throughout all the years has been reconciliation, but I'm sure through the hurt at times that hasn't come across.  Is it acceptable to talk to him about reconciliatiion with me even though in the world's eyes he is married to someone else, or should I wait until he approaches me about reconciliation?  I know he is sorry about what happened, but it might not be a godly sorrow.  I would like to know how I should react to him based on Scripture. 

At this moment I am confused and tired.  I have tried to avoid him while he has been married although our paths have crossed on numerous occasions - all very painful to me -- since he was usually there with his "new wife" - 3 weddings, several graduations, a baby shower, to name a few.

I know this has been lengthy, but I would really appreciate hearing from you.

Thank you.

(Name Withheld)

31

NEW PASTOR COVENANTS TO BE A FAITHFUL SERVANT

Thanks for you biblical teaching.  I always believed this is the way the bible taught on the subject of marriage.

I am a new pastor and will not do a second marriage the question I have is where does the grace and mercy fit into the ones that are already married and divorced and remarried and even have children.  Are they to separate now?

Thank you and God Bless

 

CS (Name Withheld)

32

SWEET INCENSE BEFORE GOD

Please pray for the restoration in our marriage of C**** and G*******.  We have a 10 month old son named *******.  We have been separated for 6 months.

Please ask the Lord to turn my husband's heart.  I ask the Lord to reunite

my husband and I back together again.  Please join in me in prayer.

Thank you and God Bless

(Name Withheld)

33

FAITHFUL, WISE AND TRUE YOUNG WOMAN OF GOD – BLESS HER

Hello! My name is C*****.

I currently have a friend who has been divorced and in a relationship right now. I had to come to her and share with her why I could not get excited about her relationship. I believe the divorce was his choice and I know he had several affairs on her. I have not been able to convince her though that it is not right for her to be remarried.

Her pastor has been remarried I believe and several other people close to her have been married and divorced several times and hoping for God to send them someone else. So it is hard for her to see what I see as truth...and also difficult to get unbiased counsel on the matter since the people she hangs out with have such close contact with those who have been divorced and remarried.

Anyways...when I saw your e-mail address their for comments or prayer requests I wanted to e-mail and ask for prayer. Her and her boyfriend say they really want to do what God wants. I think she really feels she is released from her last marriage. I can't help but wonder though if there was or still is maybe a check in her heart about it! When I used to pray for her, before she had her current boyfriend, I really felt like God wanted to restore her old marriage and use them in a ministry regarding marriages and restoration...I know it would take a HUGE miracle in that I don't even think he is serving the Lord right now...but he was engaged and than things didn't work out with it...So I was encouraged thinking God was keeping him unmarried so eventually they would be able to get back together.

But I'm afraid I have begun to loose hope for them getting back together now. Anyways, I'm only 20 so this is the first time I have had to really deal with this with a close friend. My heart breaks cause I feel God has something better for her. And its sad for her as well...cause she really feels God is leading them together and is sad that we don't see things the same way. Yet she is still open to what God has and desires to do His will. And she really appreciates the fact that I came to her with my concerns even though we don't see eye to eye.

Anyways, with all that said I just would like to ask you guys to pray about the situation. Its hard to find people who feel the same way...so I'm afraid the prayers on the side of her not getting remarried are pretty slim!

Thank you so much for your time! And thank you for your articles!

God Bless!  :) 

(Name Withheld)

34

A PRAYER WARRIOR ADDRESSING HE WHO SITS ON THE THRONE

I have been standing in the gap for my husband, who is allowing the enemy to feed him lies (anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, adultery) from his past, and claiming my marriage in the name of JESUS CHRIST for over a year. 

This is a SEEMINGLY impossible situation, because of our many pitiful attempts at reconciliation, and because of my husband's refusal to submit to God and allow his past of abuse, neglect and abandonement to be healed.  

Please PLEASE stand and pray with me, as I take this next week as a fasting period for intercession for my marriage, that God will move HEAVILY in our life (one-joined together in spirit and in truth), and that my husband will be brought to repentance and healing, delivered, once and for all, from the bondages of sin and yokes of the enemy, that our marriage will, once again, be restored IN FULL, and healed for God's GLORY, HONOR and PRAISE!!  

Thank you for your time, agreement and obedience.   The LORD bless you and keep you: The LORD make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you: The LORD lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.

Numbers 6:24-26

Amen.

MW (Name Withheld)

35

A FORGIVING VICTIM OF DESERTION AND ADULTERY

I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit brought me to your web site.  I have carefully read the section on marriage, divorce and remarriage.  My husband has just left me but I know he still loves me. 

We are victims of adultery.  I am hopeful that we will reconcile as I do not want a divorce.  Now I understand why.  Thank you so much for your ministry.

May God bless you profusely as you continue to proclaim His powerful Word.

VS (Name withheld)

36

FROM ADULTERY TO SALVATION DESPITE EVIL ADVISORS

I have just finished reading your summary on divorce and remarriage. It was most beneficial to me recently going through a divorce.

I was not serving God and had an affair and not a good husband at all. I since have came to Christ and done studies on this. I'm glad to hear some one else seeing the same things that I do.

Through it all my wife goes to divorce care groups sponsored by a church this is alarming to me that we regard it as o.k. or God understands. I was told that this is in the will of God.

Please pray for me I'm believing that God will restore my marriage and that I will become better spouse through all of this. God bless you keep up the work on standing against popular human laws and thoughts.

Thanks again,

G (Name Withheld

37

NEW CHRISTIAN FAMILY THERAPIST

Dear Stephen

Congratulations on your essay on marriage and divorce.  You are spot on regarding what the Bible says about this, how we are to behave toward one another, and you understanding of grace.

Because of my interest in the christian marriage and families in general, I am contemplating doing a Christian Counselling & Family Therapy diploma next year.  For some of my assignments, I may want to borrow from your essay to strengthen a point - of course, I would reference appropriately.

Again, don't give up because we need more disciples like you who are not afraid to speak the truth in love,

In Him

MS (Name Withheld)

38

STANDING IN THE GAP

I have been standing for the restoration of my marriage since 1998. My husband left me and our 2 children, divorced me, and is now planning to remarry.

I am standing in the gap for him and praying that God will (1) shine a light on His truth about marriage and remarriage for my husband to see, (2) that God will make me the Godly wife that my husband needs, and (3) that God will raise our marriage from the dead and restore it.  I would appreciate your prayers!

Thanks!

(Name Withheld)

39

WRESTLING WITH GOD

I am a Christian and my husband is not, although now he told me that he is seeking the Lord. I know divorce is a sin and that I should try to work it out with my husband, but the thought of being with him again is devastating to me.

He was very selfish, always yelled at me and made me do everything, and he would never do things that I wanted him to do with me (like go to Church or pray together). I was very depressed being with him. He doesn't want me to go through with the divorce, but I just can't go back to him.

Yet I feel guilty if I don't give it a try and trust the Lord to make it right. I also feel that if I go through with the divorce that I will go to hell. And I don't want to go to hell.

I'm very confused about what to do. Also, I'm realitively new in my Christianity, so I do not have much insight. I do believe that Jesus is my Savior and that he died for my sins. Please get back to me.

I appreciate your help tremendously. Thanks.

(Name Withheld)

40

GOD’S LAW IS UNIVERSAL TO SAVED AND UNSAVED

 

Brother Wilcox;

 First, I would like to say that I find your site REFRESHING! Thank God for people who stand up for the truth of God’s word. Yet, I do have two questions—you may have addressed these on your site and I just have not found them, so I wanted to ask. I will try to be brief…(hard for us preachers).

Question 1: Oftentimes, I hear individuals saying that “I married and divorced before I got saved—so I can continue with may ______ companion”  {I left the blank because the number varies} The passage that these individuals used for support is that of 1Peter 4:17 “…judgment must begin at the house of God.” They believe that this verse is saying that If one is married, divorced and re-married before they came to Christ….their re-marriage becomes ‘lawful’ in the eyes of God.

The church that I pastor is an independent church and we teach that the marriage law is universal and thus applicable to both saint and sinner. We believe substantiation for this is found in the fact that the Bible acknowledges the marriages of sinners as genuine unions and the fact that Jesus maintained “whosoever.” I was wondering whether you held to the same understanding.

Question 2: Do you believe that the ‘exception clause’ could also have reference to ‘illegitimate covenant relationships’ such as those listed in Leviticus 18? For instance, if a single person marries someone who is divorced from their lawful companion—is the single person free to find their own husband and wife…since they were never legitimately joined to someone? 1Cor. 7:1,2, “…to avoid (the) fornication let every man have his OWN wife and every woman her Own husband” (in contradistinction to someone else’s spouse).

I hope I articulated the second question acceptably

Thanks for your time and keep preaching it!

DH ( Name Withheld)

41

ONLY BY THE LOVE OF GOD

Hi my name is E (Name Withheld) and my wife M (Name Withheld).she is not safe and she doesnt love me.she is in love with another man his name is A (Name Withheld).

Can you please pray for the restoration of our marriage and my wife salvation.i know and bealive that the lord will do it.

Thank you and God bless you

42

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED

Hi.. ok I need help and guidance... I read what you wrote and followed up myself in the Word about marriage after divorce. The Word is very clear... I left my husband because of serious physical and spiritual abuse but divorced because of his marital unfaithfullness.

I have gone the past few years with a deep desire to remarry and share my life with a Godly spouse, but now I am learning that if I want to walk in Gods perfect will for my life that this will never happen, I also deeply desire Children and because of what is said in the Word I am learning I will never have them. I wonder how I can desire such things and now learn that they are sinful. Because of the sin of my ex-husband I am I am bond to never marry and never experience the Love that God inteded for a husband and wife. How could this be? How can I think I am desiring something pure and then find out that my dreams are actually sinful?

I will be 28 next month... I was married very young and remained married for 6 years and have been single two, and now learning that because of my husbands sins I will never have the companionship that I dreamed of as a young girl.

T (name Withheld)

43

TIME FOR ANOTHER REFORMATION

I READ YOUR THESIS! IT WAS BRILLIANT BUT FRIGHTENING.  HAS ANYONE JUST PRESENTED A DIVORCING SPOUSE WITH ARTICLES LIKE THESE-AND WHAT HAS HAPPENED. IT WOULD BE DOING THEM

 AN ETERNAL FAVOR  AND WOULD BE QUICKER AND MORE STRAIGHTFORWARD THAN THE TRAUMA OF DIVORCE. PRETTY "RADICAL" STUFF FOR OUR TIMES ANYWAY-TIME FOR ANOTHER REFORMATION LOOKS LIKE.

(Name Withheld)

44

WANTS BACK ON TRACK WITH THE LORD

Hi, Stephen

I was married in the early 80s for the first time. My husband came home from a business trip and announced he had met someone else and wanted to be friends only.  When I made attempts to be close, etc., he became mean.  I went to my church at the time.  They said not to make any negative confessions... just repeat over and over that I had a great marriage and that with the right faith I could not only raise the dead but have a perfect marriage. 

I cried at a bible study and asked for help with my marriage.  I was chastised by the pastor's wife and told never to air my "dirty laundry" at her bible study again, although I did get some private calls from attendees with offers to help in private.  It was a faith movement church, so talk of sickness and problems were not accepted.  I tried to believe as much as I could, but he became increasingly abusive, including physical. 

I went to a Christian and marriage counselor, who wanted to help me by making passes at me... seeking sex if you can believe it.  He tried to make up for what my husband did in appropriately.  I became flattered at first, but left the counseling because I knew this was really bad and I wanted help.

I left my husband after he pushed me into a wall and then one other incident.  I did not file for divorce... remained separated.  He initiated a divorce to marry someone else... a nonChristian and has been with her ten years.  I met someone in 1993 who was not strong in the faith... had left the faith of his youth.  His wife left him for an affair with a college professor and married him, leaving this fella single.  He began attending church with me and so did his parents.  This was wonderful. 

After counseling at our church, we married.  To give our two sets of kids the best opportunity, we continued with a Christian counselor outside the church.... seeking wisdom on blending familes, etc.  My husband ws initially overwhelmed by four kids in the house, was feeling panicked over the responsibilility.

The counselor asked him to come in extra visits on his own to help him. They got involved in an affair and he filed for divorce.  I prayed night and day and night and day and with the help of the pastor who married us, he gave up the affair and came back.  The problem was that he gave up the affair but retained resentment.  Took all money I made and begrudgingly gave me enough for lunch and complained at that.  He separated our food and laundry soap and condiments.  He marked his papers and other belongings to ensure nobody touched anything.  He was there, but worked harder to ensure we did not impose on his things, his money, his time, and encouraged me regularly to go find someone else.  Unwilling to divorce, which is what he appeared to want, I stayed.  I became physically and mentally destraught.  I was spiralling downward and I was afraid that I would lose my ability to function enough to take care of my girls and I left... I fled.

Since that time, he got back with the lady he had the affair with; however, that relationship was a disaster and ended in heartache for him.  Also, his mother became very ill and upon hearing of that, I have been helping his parents out.  I loved his parents.  Over the two years that we have been apart, we have sought forgiveness of each other... him asking me to forgive him for his selfish and cold behaviors and me for fleeing.  We have individually drawn closer to God and are now talking daily, praying for each other, caring as good friends. He has told me repeatedly how sorry he is and what he has learned from God about his behaviors and attitudes and the failed relationship with the other woman.

My challenge... I have been dating someone for over a year who wants to get married.  I am unable to commit.  First, he is not a church person, although he goes now and again.  He refuses to read the bible (something to do with southern disciplines as a child), but he does pray and believe in Jesus.  He does not teach it to his children; it's not part of what they discuss.

 My daughter attends church with me and we do study the bible and try to apply it to our lives (despite my screw ups that you see evidenced in this letter).  When he is mad, he is very mean and yells.  The one son that lives with him is only 10, but is very smart allecy and cocky.  His ex is an alchoholic who screams and cusses a lot and I am afraid to connect to him and be tied to her for the next 8 years.  In all this, I have told God that if He wants to reconcile my marriage, I will go... my exhusband's apologize and continuous calling to see what I need and how he can help, even offering money, is showing me something.  I Corin 7:10-11 says to be reconciled or stay single. 

 I'm seeking God's word and that is what I found last night.  Does it only apply to separated Christians but not divorced?  How do I know if I should break off this current relationship?  I am confused.  My prayer to God is that His will be done, to forgive me for my sins, help me get back on track, and so on.  I just don't know what "back on track" looks like at this point.

Please pray for me.  Any wisdom would be appreciated.  "In the multitude of counselors is wisdom."  I know that's in the bible somewhere.

(Name Withheld)

45

DELIVERANCE FOR WIFE

Would you happen to know of anyone knowledgeable in both deliverance and what the Bible says about marriage and divorce?  My wife is a child abuse survivor and when we married, she went berserk.  Now she wants a divorce. 

I love my wife and just want her delivered, but it is going to take both deliverance and presenting the Word.  She abandoned me and went to Seattle.  I'm not sure what to do.

MJ (Name Withheld)

46

DIVORCE IS TRULY AN EVIL AND DESTRUCTIVE THING

Dear Mr Wilcox-

I have read and listened to literally hundreds of analogies, dissertations, opinions, sermons, and teachings related to marriage and divorce. None have so thoroughly covered this subject as yours has.

My wife divorced me three years ago. I lost my wife, home, and daily fellowship with my three children.You commented that "It is said that the emotional pain of divorce greatly exceeds that caused by the sudden death of a victim's entire family". I will vouch for that.

I don't normally correspond with people in this fashion, but I wanted to compliment you for presenting the truth in such a bold, thorough, and convincing fashion. It was very interesting to read how the early church recognized the divinity of this sacred vow.

I pray that the Spirit of Truth will use your message and others like it to reach the masses and begin moving peoples' hearts back towards God's original intent for marriage. Divorce is truly an evil and destructive thing.

Again, sir, my compliments to you !

PG (Name Withheld)

47

CONFESSES AND REPENTS OF ADULTROUS REMARRIAGE

On July 31, **** I married a divorced woman. (Her 'ex' husband is still alive.) I was single - no previous marriage, and a '2-year old' Christian at the time. Until recently, I wasn't really sure about the legitimacy of this marriage.

My pastor took the position that you have portrayed as common in modern day evangelical churches; mainly that the reasons for her divorce allowed remarriage. My research on the subject seemed to indicate that no remarriage was possible for her, but I bowed to my pastor's knowledge and authority.

After a rough 14 months, we separated in September, **** (she left me). I now firmly agree with your position and confess that I have been living in an adulterous relationship.

My problem is now this: what do I do now? Must I 'divorce' her as soon as possible (in order to 'officially' break the adulterous relationship)? If so, am I allowed to marry another (single) woman, should the situation arise? Or would I be considered 'divorced' and therefore must remain single?

Thank you in advance for your response. And I thank God for leading me to your web site.

NG (Name Withheld)

48

THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH…BUT THE GIFT OF GOD IS ETERNAL LIFE

I married in 1984, at age 19.  Separated at age 22, divorced at age 28. Remarried at 31, saved at 32, husband left and divorced because of faith at age 34.  Remarried man from church at 35, he has backslidden immensely, I struggle with where to go not wanting to sin any longer in this area. 

I am a baby (4yr old) in the Lord, but maturing rapidly due to dire need.  I also have an almost 17 yr old son who has seen both sides of my life.  I want to do what God wants and I pray incessantly for Him to guide me.  I walk and live with Christ as the center of my life and am at peace and joy, except when my husband comes around and brings me down.  I almost feel sometimes he wants to force me to leave to ease his guilt.  We both know we married out of God's will, but only I have repented.  His answer is "then let's divorce".  I say that would just compound the sin once more.  My first husband is a source of my son's hostility and turning to drugs when they spend any time together.

He was also remarried and is now divorced.   He is a non-christian and ridicules our son and me.  I am a support staff member of my church, part-time, and work also in the dental field, part time.  I want to do what God wants.  My husband tries to convince me that I am "miserable being married" to him.  Nothing I say can convey to him that through our marriage I have truly learned the meaning of agape' love and have applied it to all avenues of my life.  God has truly taught me much during this almost 2 year marriage that I would have much rather learned via another avenue, but know that it's impact most probably would not have been the same.  My husband would tell you that I am not in "reality".  I don't look at things practically.  "Eternal perspective" is not in his vocabulary and therefore we OFTEN differ in opinion on EVERYTHING!  I choose to be quiet rather than argue and I have gone from being "a complainer" to giving "the silent treatment" in his eyes. 

I am confused. I know what I am to do as a "wife", but struggle because of the remarriage issue. I know alot of what's happening can be and is a consequence of sin, but I have TRULY repented and, as you can see, confessed publicly, to my sin of adultery.  I pray often for why God has seemingly hardened the heart of my husband, who walked with him before we were married (did I mention that he was also previously married, has 3 children 16, 18, 20?). 

When reading your website, I seem to see that I am doomed, but I know that's a lie.  I receive God's grace and mercy with such abundant thanksgiving, but wonder if I will ever be able to be used of Him in this arena to say "this is what you DON"T do". 

Nobody has any answers and I sit often in despair wondering when the punishment will stop.  Isn't it supposed to "fit the crime?"  Is eternal marital hell on earth the reigning punishment for the remarried adultress?

(Help, Lord Jesus, Help!!!!!!!)

Sincerely,

DL (Name Withheld)

49

TRUTH IN AFRICA

Dear Mr Wilcox

I am writing to you to ask permission to put your article "The Restoration of Christian Marriage" What does the bible teach, on our web site.

We are a charity organization promoting Biblical Marriage. You can visit the site at http://www.focusfamily.org. We do a lot of teaching to churches in Kenya and think this would be valuable for them to consider.

This would go under articles on marriage and we would put a link to your web page.

Thank you for considering our request. The charity is based in the UK.

Yours in His service

D S (Name Withheld)

50

CHRISTIANS MUST ALIGN WITH GOD’S WORD

Dear Stephen

I have just read your compilations and thoughts on marriage, remarriage and divorce and was greatly blessed by them.  I am standing for the healing of my marriage and have been separated from my wife ********** now for 7 months.

I would appreciate if you could stand with me in agreement for the restoration of my marriage, seeing as such approach is in line with what you believe (I, too, believe as you do).

One of my favourite lines in your homepage is: "the Church has lost the respect of the society it is supposed to transform, along with the power and authority of the Living God needed to do it with, not because of the Gospel of Christ, but because we do not believe it enough to live it."  How right you are. 

It is high time those who profess to be Christians align themselves with God's Word.  We are all, indeed, saved by grace alone, but that fact doesn't discredit the necessity to live by the principles found in God's Word, which have been given for our benefit and abundance.

In Christ,

MS (Name Withheld)

Part 2